I feel so terrible. Afraid I won't be able to do it

[tryingtoescape]

I feel so horrible. The feeling never goes away. I want to kill myself more than anything, and the thought of suicide is the only thing that gives me comfort, but I'm terrified that I won't be able to do it. I'm so scared that the survival instinct will kick in and I won't be able to end it. I'm so scared. Please, someone help. Please convince me others have felt this way and have successfully ended it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't take it anymore. My worst fear is that when I book the room, I'm going to be thinking about it for days in advance, unable to sleep, and I'll talk myself out of it, and waste the money. When things are bad enough, my SI disappears and I'm ready to do it. But my method isn't accessible 24/7. I need to always be ready. I'm terrified. I want to die more than anything in the world, but my fear of it never happening is bothering me so much.

 

[Zoltiel]

When things are bad enough, my SI disappears and I'm ready to do it.

You're implying that things get better for you at times, which means there is still hope for you. Generally the people who actually go through with it have no hope left, and see no possible improvement to their situation. Otherwise, it is very difficult to overcome the survival instinct.

 

[Jean4]

When you are ready, there are no SI. Nothing will stop you.

 

[tryingtoescape]

You're implying that things get better for you at times, which means there is still hope for you. Generally the people who actually go through with it have no hope left, and see no possible improvement to their situation. Otherwise, it is very difficult to overcome the survival instinct.

Things have only gotten worse. I have no hope left. Every second is torture. The only thing holding me back is my obsessive compulsive disorder, I think. I would feel so relieved if I just had a guaranteed death. I just have so many thoughts racing through my mind when I'm about to do it.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Hey,
I understand what you mean, I think its perfectly natural to think lots and worry about it.
I do think though you will have a lightbulb moment, and then you will be able to book the hotel etc.
If you are genuinely unsure deep down, don't rush anything, think things through.
We are always here anyway.
Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm super tired.
Much love x

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I feel so horrible. The feeling never goes away. I want to kill myself more than anything, and the thought of suicide is the only thing that gives me comfort, but I'm terrified that I won't be able to do it. I'm so scared that the survival instinct will kick in and I won't be able to end it. I'm so scared. Please, someone help. Please convince me others have felt this way and have successfully ended it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't take it anymore. My worst fear is that when I book the room, I'm going to be thinking about it for days in advance, unable to sleep, and I'll talk myself out of it, and waste the money. When things are bad enough, my SI disappears and I'm ready to do it. But my method isn't accessible 24/7. I need to always be ready. I'm terrified. I want to die more than anything in the world, but my fear of it never happening is bothering me so much.

Everyone dies. Death will happen at some time in your life. Nothing is forever. I wish you the best