Venting I feel so lost and useless

[cardboard_house]

My cat died a few days ago but we only found out today when our neighbor found bones in his yard. At first I was so so sad but now I just feel lost. I don't know what to do, really. She was my reason for living and she's what kept me here for so long, but now I feel so lonely. I feel like some puddle missing the ocean. I don't know what I'm going to do from here. I've always been so scared of losing her but now that it's happened I just feel so... numb. I feel like nothing is real, like I'll just stop exusting some day like a computer program. Time feels like it's never moving and I have no direction with my life anymore. I feel like I'm just helplessly watching everything play out.

I want to sh so bad but I don't want to go back to that. I've been off for so long, and I don't know if I can stay off if I start again. I feel so useless and so helpless, and I'm not even sure if my friends like me because I'm no fun when I'm grieving and I've just been telling them bad news and complaining. I can feel myself withdrawing and I know I'm gonna slowly stop functioning but I don't know any way to fix it. I feel sick qt the idea of eating, I only really want to sleep, I only really want to talk to my mum or on here, I need to be doing things at all times to keep myself present. I feel like some stupid robot that can't do anything for himself. It doesn't help that I'm trans and have incredibly bad gender dysphoria which has been near-debilitating in the past few weeks. I just feel so lost, like all of a sudden I'll just stop working and get thrown out like trash. I'm really scared, but I don't know what to do.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

My cat died a few days ago but we only found out today when our neighbor found bones in his yard. At first I was so so sad but now I just feel lost. I don't know what to do, really. She was my reason for living and she's what kept me here for so long, but now I feel so lonely. I feel like some puddle missing the ocean. I don't know what I'm going to do from here. I've always been so scared of losing her but now that it's happened I just feel so... numb. I feel like nothing is real, like I'll just stop exusting some day like a computer program. Time feels like it's never moving and I have no direction with my life anymore. I feel like I'm just helplessly watching everything play out.

I want to sh so bad but I don't want to go back to that. I've been off for so long, and I don't know if I can stay off if I start again. I feel so useless and so helpless, and I'm not even sure if my friends like me because I'm no fun when I'm grieving and I've just been telling them bad news and complaining. I can feel myself withdrawing and I know I'm gonna slowly stop functioning but I don't know any way to fix it. I feel sick qt the idea of eating, I only really want to sleep, I only really want to talk to my mum or on here, I need to be doing things at all times to keep myself present. I feel like some stupid robot that can't do anything for himself. It doesn't help that I'm trans and have incredibly bad gender dysphoria which has been near-debilitating in the past few weeks. I just feel so lost, like all of a sudden I'll just stop working and get thrown out like trash. I'm really scared, but I don't know what to do.

oh god I can definitely relate to the friends thing. it sucks when your brain is just sore and everything sucks but you have to either keep quiet or add "everything's fine tho" (even when it's not) when interacting with friends otherwise you'll get the feeling that they're sick of you. congrats on not sh'ing for a while though I'm actually so proud of you:3<3333

 

[The Burning Fool]

Please accept my deepest sympathies. She was a beautiful little goddess. I love that you had been there for her as a companion.

 

[cardboard_house]

oh god I can definitely relate to the friends thing. it sucks when your brain is just sore and everything sucks but you have to either keep quiet or add "everything's fine tho" (even when it's not) when interacting with friends otherwise you'll get the feeling that they're sick of you. congrats on not sh'ing for a while though I'm actually so proud of you:3<3333

Thank you, really trying to keep away from it despite the urges because I don't want to go back to that. It's like a duolingo streak, do my best to keep it going <33

 

[HighFlight]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Animals can be such great companions and having lost several cats and dogs over the years, I understand how devastating it can be. But I sense that your cat was more to you than just a companion.

I would suggest you treat this as if you lost a human companion. Take time to grieve. Remember the good times and the fun. Cry for your loss. Plan a proper goodbye. Etc. (Maybe even post a happy picture of her in this thread.)

But most importantly, allow yourself to grieve properly. Be easy on yourself over the next few days. Again, I am very sorry.

 

[cardboard_house]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Animals can be such great companions and having lost several cats and dogs over the years, I understand how devastating it can be. But I sense that your cat was more to you than just a companion.

I would suggest you treat this as if you lost a human companion. Take time to grieve. Remember the good times and the fun. Cry for your loss. Plan a proper goodbye. Etc. (Maybe even post a happy picture of her in this thread.)

But most importantly, allow yourself to grieve properly. Be easy on yourself over the next few days. Again, I am very sorry.

That's a really good idea, here are some of my favourite pictures of her (sorry for the image dump):

 

[HighFlight]

What an adorable cat! Thank you for sharing.