Venting I feel really bad about lying to my friends

[Bambi_]

I'm really tired and cant rlly think about anything but this right now,, so im just going to try venting and hope it goes away haha

A few weeks ago i was at a party with some friends, and accidentally told them that i had some failed attempts in the past. I lied and said i stopped like 4 years ago but i feel really bad about it...
to add on we were talking about future plans today and i just cant see myself in next year and i feel like im just making stuff up at this point,,, i have one bestie who i can talk to about it bc were in the same boat but im just so tired now..
i feel so bad for faking being present with others,, like everyone but like one or two people dont really know the difference but i really just want to be done

<3 hopefully i can sleep now

 

[coffeebeany]

I feel you. I m in the same position. It is horrible to put on this act. I do feel like a fraud. We have already booked trips for next year and gotten concert tickets. They keep talking about plans and I have to join in when in reality I m almost certain I ll ctb before. I can understand that you want it to be over. Feels so bad to prolong this. I m also worried about their reactions once I m gone. When they realize I ve planned to ctb all along and kind of lied to them.