i feel psychotic sometimes

[deletedaccount30982]

sometimes my mind just starts racing and i can only think in partial sentences. any noise will cause me to feel anxious and paranoid and sometimes i think i see something in the corner of my eye but i'll look at it and it's not there. maybe it's just a panic attack but it makes me feel like i'm crazy and psychotic.

 

[Kotochan]

oh when i get really depressed i get something similar. I don't see anything but I feel like I'm being punished by god and all my friends are aware and are lying to me that I'm alive when I'm actually dead and I can't die and so i need to attempt but not as a way to die but a way to suffer more because i can't die - I don't usually think it all out really, but that's it I think if i put it on paper haha. That and I have trouble forming sentences too, like I'm confused.

It could be depression i guess or like maybe some kind of other disease I don't really know. Try not to worry too much if you can! Maybe talk to someone about it if you can, that helps me :)

 

[deletedaccount30982]

oh when i get really depressed i get something similar. I don't see anything but I feel like I'm being punished by god and all my friends are aware and are lying to me that I'm alive when I'm actually dead and I can't die and so i need to attempt but not as a way to die but a way to suffer more because i can't die - I don't usually think it all out really, but that's it I think if i put it on paper haha. That and I have trouble forming sentences too, like I'm confused.

It could be depression i guess or like maybe some kind of other disease I don't really know. Try not to worry too much if you can! Maybe talk to someone about it if you can, that helps me :)

at least i'm not alone in it lol

 

[Good4Nothing]

A psychotic episode is what brought me to this forum.

 

[Kotochan]

A psychotic episode is what brought me to this forum.

what was that like?

 

[Good4Nothing]

what was that like?

The best analogy I can make right now is that my mind led me down a dark tunnel, and I couldn't see anything outside of it - couldn't imagine anything outside of it. Couldn't retrace my steps and back out. The only way was forward, deeper into insanity. Rational thought was impossible. Everything I said and did, my every thought, were products of paranoia and hopelessness. Of course I had no idea this was even happening - that dark tunnel was my entire reality. It lasted weeks. I went deeper and deeper every day, completely unaware of what was happening to me. I finally snapped out of it when I completely lost it at work and started yelling and throwing a fit. Some tiny piece of me said "Whoa, man! This isn't you!" Then suddenly I was me again, surveying all the wreckage I'd left in my wake over the past weeks. It was literally like waking up from a nightmare. Now I'm in a shame and remorse phase. I lost a good friend, someone I loved very much. She'll never speak to me again. I'll never see her again. I can't even apologise to her. How could I? "Hey, sorry I'm crazy."?

 

[Kotochan]

The best analogy I can make right now is that my mind led me down a dark tunnel, and I couldn't see anything outside of it - couldn't imagine anything outside of it. Couldn't retrace my steps and back out. The only way was forward, deeper into insanity. Rational thought was impossible. Everything I said and did, my every thought, were products of paranoia and hopelessness. Of course I had no idea this was even happening - that dark tunnel was my entire reality. It lasted weeks. I went deeper and deeper every day, completely unaware of what was happening to me. I finally snapped out of it when I completely lost it at work and started yelling and throwing a fit. Some tiny piece of me said "Whoa, man! This isn't you!" Then suddenly I was me again, surveying all the wreckage I'd left in my wake over the past weeks. It was literally like waking up from a nightmare. Now I'm in a shame and remorse phase. I lost a good friend, someone I loved very much. She'll never speak to me again. I'll never see her again. I can't even apologise to her. How could I? "Hey, sorry I'm crazy."?

what were you doing? Like what kind of things were you thinking and doing? did that ever happen again and do you know why?

 

[Good4Nothing]

what were you doing? Like what kind of things were you thinking and doing? did that ever happen again and do you know why?

It's never happened before, at least not to the extent it just did.
I'd rather not get into specifics right now, maybe one day. This just happened not even a week ago, I need time to process all this.
I suspect I have BPD. My sister did, but she was an absolute terror. I caught myself acting like her, and now I'm very worried.

 

[pete_x]

It honestly sounds like a panic attack. A recurring bit of advice I've been given over the decades is to find a place to sit where you are reasonably safe and give in to the panic attack and ride it through. I would say hold off on self diagnosis. As for the phantoms, they are quite common and not necessarily proof positive of a mental illness. Though they do indeed have an unhinging affect. You could try getting a presciption for a low level sedative, or alternately maintain a measured intake of non-dusted, dirt-grown marijuana if you live in state appropriate/conducive to that endeavor.

On the other hand you could indeed be suffering from BPD, still see a reputable professional.