I feel obligated to die

[MonochromeMind]

Honestly, I've been healing and improving, but I've hurt so many people, and I've dug such a deep hole in the eyes of so many people, that I know even if I do change, I know nobody will forgive or believe me. I honestly don't really wanna die that much. I just know there's no way out of what I've done, no way to seek forgiveness from others, or fully, from myself. I've gotta die sometime this year. I just need to stop being stupid and figure out an actual plan. Idk. I'll get depressed soon and I'll feel more like I WANT to die instead of I HAVE to, probably. I don't have a fuckin choice either way.
Two seconds in and I already kinda regret posting this lol

 

[MonochromeMind]

Nevermind I just flat out wanna die again now