I feel my body shutting down, why can’t I just leave?

[HoursCounter40]

Hi everyone. New here. Thanks for having me.

Everyday I wake up I'm shivering, sweating, anxious as all hell, and I just get hit with thoughts of CTB and visions of it in various ways. Of course, like many here, it is the most dreadful experience possible just opening my eyes.

I'm 24, but I'm just so incredibly exhausted. Life has absolutely whooped my ass and mental illness has taken all my dreams away from me. I am truly bedlocked, even though I live alone, and soon, I won't be able to support myself.

What is the point? What sick, twisted entity is keeping me here? I understand people here have physical illnesses, etc. and it's not to compare those situations, but I truly feel my mind and body completely shut down. Why can't it just collapse all the way?

Sorry for the rant, I'm just so pissed I woke up today.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you go through, it's cruel how people have to suffer like that, I hate how there isn't the option to just never wake again.

 

[HoursCounter40]

That must be really horrible what you go through, it's cruel how people have to suffer like that, I hate how there isn't the option to just never wake again.

As I was lurking for awhile I've seen a lot of your comments and I just want to say, I always appreciate your empathy and listening. Thank you