Venting I feel more energic on my anti-depressant

[The Disqualified]

I feel cornered and energic at the same time. I have been feeling more energic and erratic because of my anti-depressant and its high dose. I feel more impulsive but more caged and unstable. I feel cornered. The nights are horrible as everything tends to crash down, but during the day I can act like a normal person. I feel more desperate and suicidal on it. Like it has lifted the veil keeping my sanity still holding and now I see everything at the same time and I feel desperate. It didn't numb me, it waked me up from a bad nightmare to an even worse reality.
I feel completely desperate, nervous, but I can't stop it. I feel cornered, suicidal, but at the same time better? I can't explain. I feel more alive, especially right now. I like feeling desperate. I like not caring. I like feeling impulsive. I like that feeling, it is new to me.
I would be curious if anyone felt similar.

 

[charlavail]

I mean this is why they say often say antidepressants can "cause" suicide because the thoughts were there before, now you just have the energy to do it. I've had that feeling before coming off of an antidepressant