i feel like my life never even got to begin

[pelicanportal]

i have always worked but never had a Career or even started The Job. i went to school scattered across different times and placrs and i never had The Experience. ive never dated or had love. no one cares if i live or die. i have nothing to live for. i am in my mid 30s ready to die because life is never actually going to start for me, is it?

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's certainly harder as we age and, it's obviously dependent on finances and determination but- I think we can turn things around somewhat at all ages. I returned to uni in my late 20's- to get my career better on track. I very nearly went down an entirely different career path in my early 40's.

You have to be enormously determined though. To the extent that it overshaddows all the fear and anxiety. There can be a huge amount to get over- fear of failure, social anxiety, realising you're way behind your peers. Plus of course- it's a risk. It may not work out.

I guess it hinges on just how much you hate where you are right now. I detested retail and, after 10 years of it- I simply felt like I had to make more effort to get out of it.

I've more hidden within work to avoid living though. I've used it as an excuse not to socialize or form relationships- not that there was much opportunity. But, I also feel like I haven't really lived either.

I suppose ultimately- it comes down to whether you want to. Whether you feel envious of people you consider to have lived more 'complete' lives. I can't say I do look on their lives with envy. I doubt I'd be happy living like that either.