shinitai_sh0jo
Is there anyone watching this?
- Dec 30, 2023
- 120
Stuff have been difficult recently. I haven't been taking the best decisions and it seems like they stain even more on the few relationships that I have left.
My medication is running out, but I feel like whether I buy/take it or not makes no difference. I just feel it's easier to hide the horrible feeling I have in my chest, like something is pulling and tearing from the inside.
I'm scared of breaking down like I did last year and doing something irreversible. But at the same time, I know I've already got to the point of burdening my family with my problems—Since I've been struggling with depression and thoughts about unaliving myself it has been six or five years.
It's visible that they don't have as much patience anymore. Plus, I'm not a child anymore, so...
I'm afraid I've become a chipped cog, one that doesn't do its job properly and ends up scratching the others while trying to turn.
And at the same time I still have things I want to do, like getting into college and stuff, I.. feel like I'm just trying to find stuff to distract myself. Like I'm just delaying the inevitable.
My medication is running out, but I feel like whether I buy/take it or not makes no difference. I just feel it's easier to hide the horrible feeling I have in my chest, like something is pulling and tearing from the inside.
I'm scared of breaking down like I did last year and doing something irreversible. But at the same time, I know I've already got to the point of burdening my family with my problems—Since I've been struggling with depression and thoughts about unaliving myself it has been six or five years.
It's visible that they don't have as much patience anymore. Plus, I'm not a child anymore, so...
I'm afraid I've become a chipped cog, one that doesn't do its job properly and ends up scratching the others while trying to turn.
And at the same time I still have things I want to do, like getting into college and stuff, I.. feel like I'm just trying to find stuff to distract myself. Like I'm just delaying the inevitable.
