I feel like I’m slowly saying goodbye to everything and everyone

[Stroopwafel.]

I did not set a date and I probably never will set a specific date. But I feel like I'm really in the stage of saying goodbye. Often I realize I really will be gone somewhere in the near future. I don't think there's a way back for me anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I will stay around tbh, but I know for sure my end is closing in.

This feeling makes me both sad and happy. Sad that it had to come to this. Sad that the only way to escape my pain is by ending my life. Sad for the pain I will cause my parents. Sad that I will never see my cats again. Sad for the person who will enter my apartment and discover my body/what I did. But I'm also feeling happy. Happy that I finally seem to be at peace with my decision. Happy that I have finished all preparations. (except of the damn goodbye letter, I'll just never be satisfied with that probably) Happy that I have a 'good' way out of this life.

I'm trying to cherish the time I spend with my parents and cats. It will be so hard leaving them behind.

I wish there would be a different way to end this suffering, I really do. But I know there isn't and I think for the first time in my life I am able to fully accept that. It is what it is. I have suffered enough in my life.

 

[Flau]

I'll miss you, waffel

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I'm trying to cherish the time I spend with my parents and cats. It will be so hard leaving them behind.

Is it OK to ask if your parents or someone else you trust can look after your cats? Sorry for your suffering. Hope something good happens for you soon.

 

[Stroopwafel.]

Is it OK to ask if your parents or someone else you trust can look after your cats? Sorry for your suffering. Hope something good happens for you soon.

They already live with my parents. I lived with them till a year ago, then left to live in institutions and I'm not allowed to have pets.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

This post really resonated with me. You're not alone in that feeling…. It's a very surreal thing to experience. Hugs.

 

[jusbug]

i know exactly how you are feeling

hope we all find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, living really is painful. I wish you peace if this is what you decide.

 

[aviation]

This sort-of-'bittersweet' feeling of closure and relief and a strange kind of resolute sadness, cherishing memories, is one I have been feeling ever since I fully and finally cemented my decision. Thank you for writing this post, it is nice to know that others feel the same. :)