Venting I feel like I'm already dead.

[Stepheng7287]

I'm hoping to CTB the beginning of December. This could possibly be my last month on this planet. It's so fucking hard to fathom.

I've just no feelings left inside of me at this point. Being this close to dying is just fucking weird. I thought I'd be more scared or possibly even get a kick of life back into me to change my mind or something, but I have none of that. I don't feel anything anymore. The feeling of guilt is completely gone. All the hope is gone. I used to imagine what people's reactions would be when they find out I'm dead but I couldn't care less at this point. I think I'm finally at peace with dying.

 

[WornOutLife]

Felt exactly the same when I tried to CTB in August; nothing or if I have to explain it...some kind of peace and decisiveness.
Wish you the best and hope you have a nice plan! (at least better than mine which sucked and that's why I'm still here lol)

 

[BLUE1970]

You are my friend.

 

[rt1989526]

Agreed, I am already dead I just need to turn off the brain.

Felt exactly the same when I tried to CTB in August; nothing or if I have to explain it...some kind of peace and decisiveness.
Wish you the best and hope you have a nice plan! (at least better than mine which sucked and that's why I'm still here lol)

Why did your ctb fail?

 

[Umbrellaterm]

I used to imagine what people's reactions would be when they find out I'm dead but I couldn't care less at this point.

Truth is people don't care, sadly.
They can talk like as if they do but that's what people are good at. Putting on a show.

 

[WornOutLife]

Agreed, I am already dead I just need to turn off the brain.



Why did your ctb fail?

Took lots of pills and then was planning to partial hang myself but guess what? The pills effect was so fast that I passed out before I could get my rope and then I was found next day by my dad, was in comma for 2 days and then in the hospital, finally, got coronavirus. It really sucked but what sucks more is my life right now!
I just don't know when I'll be able to CTB or try to at least, again.

 

[Stepheng7287]

Truth is people don't care, sadly.
They can talk like as if they do but that's what people are good at. Putting on a show.

Yep, I've seen plenty of people come and go so far in life and even their closest family members get over it at some point. Everyone else will care for like 1 day at the most and then forget about you.

I've seen some people on here who's only reason to CTB is to get back at someone else. That shit is only hurting yourself. Why give your own life for someone else?

 

[Umbrellaterm]

Yep, I've seen plenty of people come and go so far in life and even their closest family members get over it at some point. Everyone else will care for like 1 day at the most and then forget about you.

I've seen some people on here who's only reason to CTB is to get back at someone else. That shit is only hurting yourself. Why give your own life for someone else?

People love to occupy their life with distractions.
One type of distraction is rage and getting mixed up in fights with others. I call this type of behavior "chasing your own tail". It's a futile behavior that leads nowhere. Unfortunately it does make life easier for people and works like a coping mechanism.

You're right. Rage towards other people only destroys oneself.
Ive heard this from a cancer patient sitting next to me on chemo, just having a day to live.
She was right.

 

[Viceroy]

ty of people come and go so far in life and even their closest family members get over it at some point. Everyone else will care for like 1 day at the most and then forget about you.

Took lots of pills and then was planning to partial hang myself but guess what? The pills effect was so fast that I passed out before I could get my rope and then I was found next day by my dad, was in comma for 2 days and then in the hospital, finally, got coronavirus. It really sucked but what sucks more is my life right now!
I just don't know when I'll be able to CTB or try to at least, again.

What pills?