i feel i am about to do something drastic

[M0nolith]

i don't understand anything anymore. my brain has detached from society, and i can't understand it anymore. i do not enjoy. i feel like i only find pleasure in pain. sometimes i feel like i am losing my mind, and at this moment it's almost like i want to.

why should i be called selfish even though i am living so that others don't mourn. why the fuck do others care about my well-being, everyone trying to stop me from ending it is only worried about their own emotions. Their emotions make them feel like they should force me to live, i mean why else does everyone care for the helpless?

i am going through my morals, trying to understand them. this has to be why they are keeping me around. i just want to harm myself, it's how i feel something. i do not have any ambitions. i am already lifeless. i feel like i'm going insane.

the pills don't work. professionals are just doing their job, and are only concerned on completing it. if i hear someone tell me to talk to a healthcare provider again i don't know what i'll do.

i am suffering in this flesh, it's driving me crazy. it's making me have violent thoughts but the only person that i truly want to hurt is myself.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for what you are going through. Wish I had a good answer but I don't. I feel like that after a shitty day at work.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable I don't understand it either. It's just a pointless struggle to nowhere.

 

[M0nolith]

Sorry for what you are going through. Wish I had a good answer but I don't. I feel like that after a shitty day at work.

how do you get calm it down?

 

[Anon7b8]

how do you get calm it down?

For me a few years ago I'd say just distract yourself. Read a book a web novels anime games. But you know you just slowly get more and more tired. The more tired i got the less i cared about morals. And well, here we are contemplating when to ctb.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

how do you get calm it down?

I rant on here or scream in my car on the way home from work. I don't rant as much as I used to, S.S. has helped me alot.