I decided to move 14 hours away from my hometown with my ex. He had wanted to date again even though I was extremely hesitant but I did it anyways because I obviously still loved him. We moved to my supposed dream place and I've only been here a month and it's been extremely crappy. It's been nothing like what I was expecting, he's hurt me more in the past month than I've been hurt since we broke up the first time. This place ended up being nothing like i expected either but I suppose I probably had too high of expectations. It just doesn't make any sense because I had dreams of moving here for 13 years and it makes no sense that it would just end in pain and disappointment like this. I'm a spiritual person and it doesn't make any sense to me why I'd even be guided here for so long for it to be crap. It was the one thing in my life I felt like I could look forward to and knew was part of my purpose. Now I'm left more confused and my dreams are totally crushed. He also broke up with me because he cannot be honest and would rather chase women. So here I am, wanting to ctb yet again and feeling extreme heartbreak in a place where I know no one. He can stay in the place I wanted to be in the first place but I'm forced to leave. I'm the one who fucking loses. My dreams are crushed and I don't even feel like any of my other dreams are even worth it now because I'll probably just be disappointed. Going back to my hometown gives me extreme anxiety and I had nothing there for me either. I'm re-living our heartbreak yet again too and I feel like I have nothing now. I've always had depression but I've never had it where absolutely anything doesn't give me joy anymore and my body is completely numb. Like for instance I had dreams of going to japan one day and now I feel like it's a waste of time. I just want to be happy and at this point I only really see one option for me at this point which I'm sure you all know what that is. I can't win and it's really bad this time.
I'm sorry you're going through a horrible time. Your ex took advantage of the trust you had for him and betrayed your feelings. I would be shattered.
Do you have a place to go back to at your hometown?
Do you have a place to go back to at your hometown?
domedune
the stars will aid my escape
- Dec 18, 2019
- 255
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
Are you sure you actually got to experience the new place, or were you fully emotionally embroiled in the doomed relationship? Now that you're single it might be time to explore properly. Your high expectations could hardly have come from nowhere and it takes time to get to know a new place.
I do. But that place was a black hole and I'd rather drive off a cliff than go back. It's really a lose/lose for me. There's a reason why I wanted to leave.
It's not
When I first got here I went to a sort of hippie festival that I was absolutely sure I'd find my people at. It ended up being not the case so that was the first disappointment. Then I moved to the place I'm staying and I realized this place really isn't a whole lot different than where I used to live, people wise anyways. But yeah I have been engulfed by this relationship but I don't know how I can stay at this point cause it's his house and he's so unkind to me even though I'm hurting extremely bad. I think I'm trauma bonded and rent is very expensive here. The place we're staying has rent included in his salary. Going back home would mean I would be alone again, I have friends but even we were all falling apart before I left. There's nothing for me anywhere it seems and I can't even move or eat.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,176
I'm sorry you are going through this, I understand that it can be painful to be let down and disappointed. It really is hard when everything feels hopeless. I wish you well.
Everlong
One last chance to turn it around
- Sep 7, 2022
- 105
Your dream had a ceiling. You could never achieve better that shaking with a two-timing prick. Obviously you didn't know that then.
You're now free to dream as high as you like. Figure out how you get to Japan. Put those steps in front of you. One at a time.
You can always CTB another day. Use your hometown as a step. It isn't your home.
I hope things get better for you. It may just be worth the effort. Maybe…
*than shacking.
Jesus H Christ, Siri!
You're now free to dream as high as you like. Figure out how you get to Japan. Put those steps in front of you. One at a time.
You can always CTB another day. Use your hometown as a step. It isn't your home.
I hope things get better for you. It may just be worth the effort. Maybe…
*than shacking.
Jesus H Christ, Siri!
