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breachswapper

breachswapper

⊙ 'till i die??
Sep 24, 2025
23
got some of my stuff taken yesterday, and i've just felt noticably worse. when i had the tools to ctb i felt a nice "it's okay i have a way out" feeling that made me calm down a lot quicker. now i've just spent that whole day and this whole morning spiraling about how there's nothing i can do anymore.

i wanna hear other people's experiences with things like this
 
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moonlightbeach

moonlightbeach

close your eyes and you'll leave this dream
Jul 14, 2025
125
why was your stuff taken from you? or do you mean stuff taken as in medical analysis or blood test?

and you're totally right about you perceiving ctb as a way out and that there's an escape from your situation that feels the worst. i have noticed that i have the same exact feeling when taking drugs (i can't recommend if you're suicidal, as it can spiral you even worse than just the thoughts themselves). i have also been able to replicate this with going on holiday to another country (maybe state, literally anywhere where it's a different environment, in my case the place where i live brings a lot of trauma). it makes you calm down because it's a response to stress. the majority of humans experience suicidal ideation throughout their life and for them it's just a coping mechanism. i don't know what your goals are and if you want to get out of the spiral, but i think it's good to reframe it as it always being there as one of your coping mechanisms, and maybe there will be other ones in place of it.

there is an article that i like about how suicidal behaviour emerges if you'd like to nerd out (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-024-02914-y#Abs1) .
some cool topics in "discussion" that mention sexual minority youth and people of colour as well that highlights the importance of preventing stress in everyone but specifically marginalized communities.
Guided by research on the typical stress response during adolescence, Miller & Prinstein [116] suggest a failure of the biological response to acute interpersonal stress as a potential mechanism for suicidal behaviors. Specifically, interpersonal stress in combination with distal risk factors (e.g., early life adversity) are critical to triggering the biological stress-response system. The biological stress-response system, composed of the autonomic nervous system and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, adaptively regulates physiological reactions to stress [117]. Within existing theories, the atypical biological stress-response may contribute to inadequate coping, a key IMV threat-to-self moderator. When the amount of interpersonal stress exceeds the individual's perceived capacity to cope with the stress and when the individual has been exposed to suicide as a way to escape stress, as is articulated in the 3ST [100], suicidal behaviors are likely to emerge [116]. Alternatively, an atypical biological stress-response system may enhance feelings of hopelessness about belongingness with others and perceived burdensomeness when encountering interpersonal stress, thus facilitating more active suicidal thoughts.

Additionally, an atypical biological stress-response system may emerge through neurodevelopmental alterations that arise during pubertal development. Expanding upon the diathesis-stress model, distal genetic and environmental factors directly influence the pubertal transition, which can potentially alter connections between brain regions that are important for ruminative processes and future-oriented thinking.
 
Gangrel

Gangrel

bark bark
Jul 25, 2024
563
having options and tools at your disposal is much better than despair
 

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