vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
i feel like i'm dragging him into what he doesn't desserve to be dragged into. im sorry my head is always a mess...i love him more than he can ever know, but i feel like i cant show it, i dont know what to do.
_milo
Member
- Mar 16, 2019
- 65
When you really love someone, it doesn't matter if something is wrong with them. You just do. Why do you feel like you can't show it?
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
i think he just puts up with what i can offer him.. im not sure if its love because i won't let myself believe it, but he tells me he doesn't mind everything i go through but i can't believe him. i'm so difficult to handle, i am worthless, and i am not good for him. yet he loves me. i feel so full of guilt.
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Just tell him you love him, give him a hug and tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll appreciate knowing what's going on with you. It's certainly better than having to guess.
Try to remember your feelings are not representative of his. If he loves you you deserve to be loved, period. No need to question it.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
i will try. its really hard. im here with him now, and he knows what is going on, but i dont think he knows the extent of it. i feel like any normal person wouldn't even worry, but my mind is so messed up that i will never know for sure. i am afraid im always going to question it... and i dont know why. thank you though, i appreciate everyones responses
I know it's easier said than done. I obviously didn't mean to sound condescending. God knows I'm going through emotional crap myself. Enjoy your time together. I'd love to have a significant other I could share my feelings with. Sadly I have no-one.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
no, you didnt sound condescending at all, i really will try. i hope you find your peace. i know how heavy that emotional crap can be, and can relate right now. i guess its just something i have to work out within myself.
Thank you. I wish you the same thing. Peace is what we all seek, isn't it? I do think it's healthy to express your feelings, here or elsewhere.
I hid my dark thoughts from my (ex)girlfriend for a long time, I ended up destroying our relationship. It might be scary too open up, but it will be a good thing in the long term
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
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he knows about my thoughts definitely! it's just, i feel like he'll never know the depth of them, or how far they go. i feel like opening up just makes me look like i'm seeking attention from him, but i have so much to say. it's hard.
he knows about my thoughts definitely! it's just, i feel like he'll never know the depth of them, or how far they go. i feel like opening up just makes me look like i'm seeking attention from him, but i have so much to say. it's hard.
I'm sorry your going through this. It's very much the same with my boyfriend; and esp having BPD, makes it triple times worse. I think its seriously best you share everything with him. I feel like a crazy, needy, obsessive, attention seeker kind of person- but in the long run it has helped me as he has a better understanding of me.
It's also a special way of getting close- how i see it. I'm letting him into all my vulnerabilities, he sees the real me, although I am very complex.
He also says he loves me and is here for me- this isn't a reason for him to leave.
If ur man says that to you, please TRY to believe him.
I try, and when I get a tinge of actual trusting him- it feels like the greatest thing ever.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
i too have BPD! i'm glad knowing i'm not alone in this :) yes, the constant need for reassurance, the constant need for attention, and just the way my mood flips at the drop of the hat are all reasons that feed into the guilt i have :( i know that complexfeeling, and whenever it goes away and i feel like me, and i can actually believe the words he's saying to me, life feels amazing. but it's always shortlived, there's always that part of me that will thirst for the attention i get when i act like a brat. it's exhausting. i wish i had normal emotions, and could live a normal life with him not having to attend to my every emotional need.
why dont you break up with him then?
also, why did you even get a bf if you know you're going to commit suicide?
also, why did you even get a bf if you know you're going to commit suicide?
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
Omg its scary how its exactly like that for me. I lash out, something happens and then bam its all over.
I love him again
But worst part; he took a major hit while now it seems to me whatever i said wasmt a big deal. "Now that i forgot about it; so should u"- kind of mentality.
Idk if u also get this, but after am argument and eveything is okay- i get mad and avoid him and that hes truly a fucked up person. But then it all goes away until he talks to me again; all sweet and nice.
GeorgeJL
Enlightened
- Mar 7, 2019
- 1,621
Take some psychedelics together like shrooms and LSD. That would be great for both of you to share in that love together.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
would love to, but in the state i'm in, i'm guaranteed to have a bad trip :/ maybe in the future
GeorgeJL
Enlightened
- Mar 7, 2019
- 1,621
Microdose then, it's become more common, people in silicon valley are using it for an edge in their careers.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
yes yes the splitting!! it always ends up with me splitting on myself—getting angry that i even got angry, then it all melts away into sadness
yes yes the splitting!! it always ends up with me splitting on myself—getting angry that i even got angry, then it all melts away into sadness
Yes! Im so at lost and confused - "how come ur pissed?? What i said isnt that bad!" I iust cannot grasp it; also its like a blur to me. I camt rememver perfect details and the memory changes depending hpw i feel about him
Its awful.
vaulthunter
poyo?
- Mar 19, 2019
- 65
they just dont get how fast our emotions change :/ even if they say they do, no one without bpd will really know what its like to love in our minds.
Exactly- but I wouldn't wish it upon anyone either!! its hell!
Guess I try to break it down to him in as much detail as i can and hes like ..uh..?? what??
you know there was a time, where I thought everyone thought like me lol- and when I learned that was false I was shocked.
