Sorry, its just how it is. in life there is not much solutions. for most situations, its just simply different shades of losing. You continue to live for your kids, you suffer, you die, your kids suffer, its just how it is i guess.
I myself have kinda ruined my life quite bad, i dropped out of college, became recluse of two years, tried to genuinely commit suicide (i managed to have the guts to drink SN), and at this point, i probably genuinely just dont give a damn where my life goes, makes my life way easier i guess. Theres just too much things wrong with our lives when you think too much, and there is no solution for it.
Sorry if im not making any sense, im kinda sleepy