I thought about it and I decided to CTB. My other two babies love my sister she can't have kids so she will take care of them better than me. I'm not healthy and mentally stable anymore! It's time to plan my death!!!
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Holu
Hypomania go brrr
- Apr 5, 2023
- 855
Sorry to hear about what I assume is your loss. I wish you well on your journey, hopefully it's easy and painless as can be.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 4,894
So you are going to traumatize your other children? When you decide to have kids you forfeit your right to ctb until they are adults who can take care of themselves. You don't live for you anymore, you live for them. This is something you consented to the minute you decided to bring them into this world.
fallingtopieces
Warlock
- May 6, 2024
- 719
i can't begin to imagine the pain you must feel losing your son to ctb. i am rooting for u to find the strength to mourn and to be there for your kids.
divinemistress36
Angelic
- Jan 1, 2024
- 4,713
Please consider trying therapy and medication dont leave your kids they need you
AbusedInnocent
Enemy brain ain't cooperating
- Apr 5, 2024
- 255
Your kids still need you though, please consider the alternatives first maybe you can recover.
You couldn't have worded that in a nicer way? While I wouldn't consider CTBing when you have young kids to be moral in most cases, it doesn't forfeit your right to CTB, I think it's an inviolable right.
vinlander
ctb next winter
- Aug 28, 2024
- 33
Just because you failed one of them you shouldn't absolutely traumatize the other 2, as jester said; the moment you decide to have children you don't live for yourself anymore, you live for them.
Consider getting professional help as there is your sister and 2 kids that care about you more than you do care about them.
Consider getting professional help as there is your sister and 2 kids that care about you more than you do care about them.
agreed. if the children were dependent on OP alone without any other alternatives, i think that the onus would be shouldered by them. it's an imposition against their sister, though we don't have the information on whether or not she would be capable or willing to care for children. OP worded it as if their sister would be welcome to caring for children, despite not being able to produce offspring naturally. most suicides ruin the lives of others in some way, whether that be family or partners. but if we want to treat suicide as an inviolable right, we can't afford to be particularistic.
i wouldn't say it's the moral thing to do, though. so i think reconsideration is important here
would your sister be comfortable with raising children? do you think their quality of life would benefit? i think these are all things that need to be considered. i'm sorry that you've suffered to the point of even considering suicide as an option.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 4,894
Nope. This is one of the rare instances where ctbing is incredibly selfish, especially in this particular situation in which their kids are likely already have enough to go through with their brother dying. You do realize that the death of a parent can have long-term effects on children, right? If you are going to be cruel enough to traumatize your own children by committing suicide then I'm not going to be nice.
I'm not here anymore! I spend my whole time either crying, by the grave yard or at work.. they prob better without me
Please don't judge me. When my son died I died too.. if I can't help myself how I'm going to help my children?
I totally agree too but how I'm helping them? I'm not there while I'm alive. This grief took my energy my purpose I have no life now.
It's so easy for everyone to say. Even my sister said living with this pain is hard. I love my children so much but I also love my son who took my soul with him
Thank you for understanding! I'm going to try therapy for the last time just because you guys convinced me here.. appreciate all the concerns and support
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Redleaf1992
Just leave us the f*ck alone!
- Feb 3, 2024
- 263
Hey again!
Sorry your suffering so much. I understand your desire to CTB, I don't think your selfish and respect your choice if that's what you decide to do. Ultimately most of us here will leave a loved one behind, be it parent, partner or child etc.
That said I hope you don't mind me using my own life experiences to give some reflection?
When my brother died as a kid my Mother was in similar position as you. She got very depressed and spent time in hospital for it. It took a long time for her to recover but if you asked her now she would be so thankful to be around, she has grandchildren now (from my sister) and she wouldn't miss that for the world. I'm sure your other children will give you so many happy memories in the future are you won't want to miss that.
Also I promise your kids wont be better of without you. Kids don't understand suicide properly, if their parent is suicidal it's likely they will look inwardly at themselves and wonder why you didn't want to be around them through life.
I know from your other thread that you blame yourself but again I think this happens to us all. I apericate it's very different but when my brother passed a week away before I had a thought of him dieing for no reason. To this day I still wonder if I having that thought somehow caused it, if he might of not died if I hadn't, I think it's what initially triggered my OCD. I'm sure if I asked you or 99percent of the world they would say I'm being ridiculous but that doesn't matter its a feeling that gets ingrained in you. Perhaps just try to put that in reflection; if you think my feelings of contributing to his death are silly maybe the same can be said for you? - Other people can see your not to blame but because of your grief you mind is playing tricks on you.
Again if you decide to go ahead I respect that, none of us should be critical of you. But I just wanted to give you some things to ponder, perhaps it's worth atleast try talking to someone who might be able to help with the grief?
Sorry your suffering so much. I understand your desire to CTB, I don't think your selfish and respect your choice if that's what you decide to do. Ultimately most of us here will leave a loved one behind, be it parent, partner or child etc.
That said I hope you don't mind me using my own life experiences to give some reflection?
When my brother died as a kid my Mother was in similar position as you. She got very depressed and spent time in hospital for it. It took a long time for her to recover but if you asked her now she would be so thankful to be around, she has grandchildren now (from my sister) and she wouldn't miss that for the world. I'm sure your other children will give you so many happy memories in the future are you won't want to miss that.
Also I promise your kids wont be better of without you. Kids don't understand suicide properly, if their parent is suicidal it's likely they will look inwardly at themselves and wonder why you didn't want to be around them through life.
I know from your other thread that you blame yourself but again I think this happens to us all. I apericate it's very different but when my brother passed a week away before I had a thought of him dieing for no reason. To this day I still wonder if I having that thought somehow caused it, if he might of not died if I hadn't, I think it's what initially triggered my OCD. I'm sure if I asked you or 99percent of the world they would say I'm being ridiculous but that doesn't matter its a feeling that gets ingrained in you. Perhaps just try to put that in reflection; if you think my feelings of contributing to his death are silly maybe the same can be said for you? - Other people can see your not to blame but because of your grief you mind is playing tricks on you.
Again if you decide to go ahead I respect that, none of us should be critical of you. But I just wanted to give you some things to ponder, perhaps it's worth atleast try talking to someone who might be able to help with the grief?
@Redleaf1992 thsnkbyiu so much for sharing your story and your strength! I ad appreciate your support.. I never thought my life will turn upside down like that. I never even read articles or watched news about suicide until death visited us and took my young beautiful child. If I tell you I'm in pain, this is not even the right word. I'm in so much suffering that I don't sleep at night. I do feel guilty because I don't see why he did it? The only thing I can see is me arguing with him thinking I'm parenting but I prob was putting more stress on him without knowing! I love him so much I feel I died too. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and I'm seeing him Tuesday after the holiday.. I'm going to try for my other children but I'm not doing good.. thank you so much for being a listener and without even knowing who I am you provided honest advice. This means a lot to me
Redleaf1992
Just leave us the f*ck alone!
- Feb 3, 2024
- 263
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, I am really sorry. Just remember what you're describing is normal parenting, we all get into arguments with our parents/children. Depression would have got him, not you.@Redleaf1992 thsnkbyiu so much for sharing your story and your strength! I ad appreciate your support.. I never thought my life will turn upside down like that. I never even read articles or watched news about suicide until death visited us and took my young beautiful child. If I tell you I'm in pain, this is not even the right word. I'm in so much suffering that I don't sleep at night. I do feel guilty because I don't see why he did it? The only thing I can see is me arguing with him thinking I'm parenting but I prob was putting more stress on him without knowing! I love him so much I feel I died too. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and I'm seeing him Tuesday after the holiday.. I'm going to try for my other children but I'm not doing good.. thank you so much for being a listener and without even knowing who I am you provided honest advice. This means a lot to me
I hope things work out well for you with the psychiatrist and the future.
Mebius
Student
- Jun 13, 2024
- 183
Yeah its your absolute responsibility to raise your kids, you cant do that
Thank you for your honest response! You're absolutely right I'm being very irresponsible lately. I think it comes with being suicidal package
Mebius
Student
- Jun 13, 2024
- 183
Sorry, its just how it is. in life there is not much solutions. for most situations, its just simply different shades of losing. You continue to live for your kids, you suffer, you die, your kids suffer, its just how it is i guess.
I myself have kinda ruined my life quite bad, i dropped out of college, became recluse of two years, tried to genuinely commit suicide (i managed to have the guts to drink SN), and at this point, i probably genuinely just dont give a damn where my life goes, makes my life way easier i guess. Theres just too much things wrong with our lives when you think too much, and there is no solution for it.
Sorry if im not making any sense, im kinda sleepy
Please get some rest! You do make sense and I appreciate you trying to help me. Yes some things are painful and it's just the way it's. The police officer who found my son still until today he talks with me and he told me the same thing " just don't ask questions, he was tired from life at this young age and decided to leave". I don't think my son knew how much much I love him. Please get some rest..
destinationlosangel
Specialist
- Feb 16, 2024
- 300
Please dont leave your children. Please try to be there for them and live for them. I understand how you're feeling but please reconsider.
Thank you so much @destinationlosangel I'm going to see my doctor on Tuesday. I just feel lost empty sad and lost connections with the world with life. Thank you so much for understanding you guys are the best over here!
turbomightbegone
🎣
- Nov 13, 2023
- 194
before you try and ctb, please make sure that:
- your sister is willing and able to take in your children
- that you're absolutely final in your decision
at the end of the day, nobody here is able to stop you from killing yourself. I'm not going to try and argue that your kids need you and all that. but please read every reply here throughly and try to reconsider. make sure your children are at least safe and secure with your sister. take them to sleepovers at her place, take them to her more often. try to work things out with your doctor. think about this for a long while before ultimately deciding. I'm sorry if this seems shallow or whatever, but whatever you decide to do I wish you luck. hope you find peace one way or another.
- your sister is willing and able to take in your children
- that you're absolutely final in your decision
at the end of the day, nobody here is able to stop you from killing yourself. I'm not going to try and argue that your kids need you and all that. but please read every reply here throughly and try to reconsider. make sure your children are at least safe and secure with your sister. take them to sleepovers at her place, take them to her more often. try to work things out with your doctor. think about this for a long while before ultimately deciding. I'm sorry if this seems shallow or whatever, but whatever you decide to do I wish you luck. hope you find peace one way or another.
destinationlosangel
Specialist
- Feb 16, 2024
- 300
Yes please do that. Go see your doctor. I think you will benefit from grief counselling. Be well
Thank you so much @turbomightbegone I appreciate your advice and I will try for my children. I didn't ask for this pain we had a normal small life it was ok I was working 12 hours shift but I thought I was doing my best to raise my children. Since my son passed away I can't even recognize myself. When I look at the mirror I see a stranger just physical body with no soul.
Thank you
There's been some awesome answers here, please seek out and be a part of a community when you're ready, for those that share your experience.
Here's an online one:
Suicide Bereavement
As someone obviously suicidal, a son, believe me you did nothing wrong that any good parent woud have done in your shoes, there is no perfect parent; his illness took him to a better place, and he is and will be proud of you for keeping on for his siblings, and yourself. I can say that as I'm proud of you! Cry, scream, do whatever you have to do, in the days, weeks, months, years, this imperfect world is not your fault. You were the best person for him during his time here. I'm sorry it was cut short.
Here's an online one:
Suicide Bereavement
As someone obviously suicidal, a son, believe me you did nothing wrong that any good parent woud have done in your shoes, there is no perfect parent; his illness took him to a better place, and he is and will be proud of you for keeping on for his siblings, and yourself. I can say that as I'm proud of you! Cry, scream, do whatever you have to do, in the days, weeks, months, years, this imperfect world is not your fault. You were the best person for him during his time here. I'm sorry it was cut short.
Tesha
Life too shall pass
- May 31, 2020
- 912
Didn't see this thread before now.
@badtothebone I've communicated with you in other threads.
How are you doing now?
My ongoing observation - you're helping a lot of people on here. Giving advice and support. You're possibly underestimating your own strength. Focus your kindness and ability to encourage others on yourself and your other children. Both you and them are worth the relationship you have together.
@badtothebone I've communicated with you in other threads.
How are you doing now?
My ongoing observation - you're helping a lot of people on here. Giving advice and support. You're possibly underestimating your own strength. Focus your kindness and ability to encourage others on yourself and your other children. Both you and them are worth the relationship you have together.
wow, I'm very sorry for your loss. My mom is one of the primary reasons I'm still alive, I likely would have taken my life if I didn't have her. Unfortunately, I feel like I slip a little further day by day, though I am feeling a little better this week compared to weeks prior, but worse than the weeks before that (if that even makes sense, think of an upside down bell curve, that's kind of what it's like)
Hey @Tesha! I'm on and off some days I don't even go to work and some days I'm motivated. I appreciate you and your support! I feel like I'm not there for my other kids regardless but I'm trying! Thank you friend
Thank you so much for sharing your story! Hold on to your mom support it will get better
.. losing a child is the worst pain ever. As you can see I'm suicidal due to my child loss..Thank you so much @voltage268 for this support. I do believe he's in a better place but I'm not without him. I'm so angry I stopped living when my son died. I miss him so much it hurts my heart. Reading your post is so encouraging and I appreciate that
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etherealgoddess
perseverance is inevitable success
- Dec 8, 2022
- 194
Honestly, knowing your reaction to your son's death really wakes me up about how my parents will react when I decide to end it. Man. That really hits.
Tesha
Life too shall pass
- May 31, 2020
- 912
I'm sure you're more present than you realise for your other kids.Hey @Tesha! I'm on and off some days I don't even go to work and some days I'm motivated. I appreciate you and your support! I feel like I'm not there for my other kids regardless but I'm trying! Thank you friend
There's no rule book on how to navigate the loss of a child. Just keeping doing, and eventually things will connect. Be there for yourself as well, when you can.
Have a
from me.It hurts! Losing son is like dying with them too.. I know my son didn't know better options he was young but I hope he knew how much I loved him. Your parents are going to suffer just like me. Please save their pain and live I pray that you find happiness and light on your way..
Thank you so much @TeshaI'm sure you're more present than you realise for your other kids.
There's no rule book on how to navigate the loss of a child. Just keeping doing, and eventually things will connect. Be there for yourself as well, when you can.
Have a
