Venting I dread the new year

[kunikuzushi]

I feel utter dread at the thought of a new year beginning. it doesn't really matter. it's just a continuation of pain.

I don't want to go through one more day. it's so much effort for no reason. I can't enjoy a single thing. maybe food. maybe sex. but they're still not worth this unbearable pain. and i can't have them all the time. so my whole life is just desperately trying to avoid pain and desperately seeking pleasure. it's disgusting.