Venting I don't wish this life situation to my worst enemy..Does anyone relate to this?

[Ineedtodie]

I've never been good at telling my story, also english isn't my native language. And i' m probably going to skip some details and context. But I can answer if anyone asks. Its easier for me this way otherwise it going too long. With my english I wouldn't read it myself honestly.

When family does not acknowledge your suffering and are emotionally distant, so you're on you're own, no other support, feeling too helpless facing the situation as a whole while feeling extremely unsafe and disconnected from my social environment, and being stigmatized for being mentally ill.

As an adult Facing all these consequences and the roots of my suffering at once in the same environment in which all of it started and lasted, left untreated, not even acknowledged.
It feels insane to try. I can't even imagine one scenerio of sustaible progress to fit in and survive.
Tbe honest its all too overwhelming to describe. Shit is just too sureal. I could just ctb and end it all. World is too cruel for people like me. Dk if I was even making sens.

 

[pauly1963]

I've never been good at telling my story, also english isn't my native language. And i' m probably going to skip some details and context. But I can answer if anyone asks. Its easier for me this way otherwise it going too long. With my english I wouldn't read it myself honestly.

When family does not acknowledge your suffering and are emotionally distant, so you're on you're own, no other support, feeling too helpless facing the situation as a whole while feeling extremely unsafe and disconnected from my social environment, and being stigmatized for being mentally ill.

As an adult Facing all these consequences and the roots of my suffering at once in the same environment in which all of it started and lasted, left untreated, not even acknowledged.
It feels insane to try. I can't even imagine one scenerio of sustaible progres
s to fit in and survive.
Tbe honest its all too overwhelming to describe. Shit is just too sureal. I could just ctb and end it all. World is too cruel for people like me. Dk if I was even making sens.

Your post and English was well written. Having suffered from clinical depression for most of my 58 years in this nightmarish world, I completely understand where you are coming from. It is truly heartbreaking when the people who are supposed to love and support you fail to do so, either through ignorance of what mental health problems are really like for those who are suffering, or even worse because they really don't care. So sorry you are having to endure this. Hugs .

 

[another@]

I'm in the same boat. Tried reading articles about narcissism and PDs to cope, problem is when you have no self worth you can't just get the courage to stand up for yourself, and I don't have friends to prop me up so... Cycle continues.

Sad thing about humanity is they'd rather you suffer than die. People who mercy kill or have societies with suffering-reductive goals end up considered weak or evil, just try counting all the villians who wanted to end peoples' suffering somehow from a bad situation but ended up the bad guy. Unfortunately I think that the pain is what drives (human) life so in my opinion society can be analogued to a "pain engine" as though it were a resource to be maximized. I say get out while you still can, only accept the suffering if you know it will bring you better days afterwards.

 

[Nirrend]

I've never been good at telling my story, also english isn't my native language. And i' m probably going to skip some details and context. But I can answer if anyone asks. Its easier for me this way otherwise it going too long. With my english I wouldn't read it myself honestly.

When family does not acknowledge your suffering and are emotionally distant, so you're on you're own, no other support, feeling too helpless facing the situation as a whole while feeling extremely unsafe and disconnected from my social environment, and being stigmatized for being mentally ill.

As an adult Facing all these consequences and the roots of my suffering at once in the same environment in which all of it started and lasted, left untreated, not even acknowledged.
It feels insane to try. I can't even imagine one scenerio of sustaible progress to fit in and survive.
Tbe honest its all too overwhelming to describe. Shit is just too sureal. I could just ctb and end it all. World is too cruel for people like me. Dk if I was even making sens.

Hi sweet @Ineedtodie

I'm sorry you are going through such things, I understand your pain ❤

When families are not respectful and understanding of what someone is going through, it is normal to feel out of place, betrayed or delegitimized..

Also, I guess you are angry and would like to scream for help, be heard, you must be experiencing an injustice..

If I'm wrong, I apologize, I'm trying to feel what you must be going through ❤

We understand here that what you are going through personally does not make things easier for you

Even though maybe you feel out of place as a human being, even though maybe I guess you feel a deep loneliness,

Know that here we will consider you and respect you as you are, you are brave and you are not alone, don't forget it ❤

I understand that you can think of suicide, I think I would have done it too in your place

I wish you that things will get better ❤

Love ❤

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry you feel alone in your struggles, we're here

 

[Ineedtodie]

Your post and English was well written. Having suffered from clinical depression for most of my 58 years in this nightmarish world, I completely understand where you are coming from. It is truly heartbreaking when the people who are supposed to love and support you fail to do so, either through ignorance of what mental health problems are really like for those who are suffering, or even worse because they really don't care. So sorry you are having to endure this. Hugs .

Thank you for you support and understanding. So sorry for you to have faced similar circumstances and suffered clinical depression for so long. It's been 32 years for me and everyday felt like a lifetime. I don't even blame the ignorance of mental illness, depression, and all the symptoms I end up having. I would be cluless myself. I just don't believe they cared enough or had my best interest in mind even before things become too deblitating and mental. As a kid I sruggled in few areas like for instance I had speech impedement that no one acknowledged. These kind of things most parent would address without reserve, because it has life long consequences not my family. they act clueless..wierd disregards and neglect like that happened. So I don't think you have to be knowledgeable to address things like that. This is just an example of parents never had your best intrest in the first place. Alot of shit happens when you're a helpless neglected kid.

Sorry I' m just venting. Best wishes to you .

Hi sweet @Ineedtodie

I'm sorry you are going through such things, I understand your pain ❤

When families are not respectful and understanding of what someone is going through, it is normal to feel out of place, betrayed or delegitimized..

Also, I guess you are angry and would like to scream for help, be heard, you must be experiencing an injustice..

If I'm wrong, I apologize, I'm trying to feel what you must be going through ❤

We understand here that what you are going through personally does not make things easier for you

Even though maybe you feel out of place as a human being, even though maybe I guess you feel a deep loneliness,

Know that here we will consider you and respect you as you are, you are brave and you are not alone, don't forget it ❤

I understand that you can think of suicide, I think I would have done it too in your place

I wish you that things will get better ❤

Love ❤

Thank you for your tremendous aknowlegement and understanding.
You captured my state of mind and feelings perfectly. I wouldn't even be able to describe it better.
I really appreciate your support.
Much love and respect to you ❤ ❤

 

[pauly1963]

Thank you for you support and understanding. So sorry for you to have faced similar circumstances and suffered clinical depression for so long. It's been 32 years for me and everyday felt like a lifetime. I don't even blame the ignorance of mental illness, depression, and all the symptoms I end up having. I would be cluless myself. I just don't believe they cared enough or had my best interest in mind even before things become too deblitating and mental. As a kid I sruggled in few areas like for instance I had speech impedement that no one acknowledged. These kind of things most parent would address without reserve, because it has life long consequences not my family. they act clueless..wierd disregards and neglect like that happened. So I don't think you have to be knowledgeable to address things like that. This is just an example of parents never had your best intrest in the first place. Alot of shit happens when you're a helpless neglected kid.

Sorry I' m just venting. Best wishes to you .

Thank you for your tremendous aknowlegement and understanding.
You captured my state of mind and feelings perfectly. I wouldn't even be able to describe it better.
I really appreciate your support.
Much love and respect to you ❤ ❤

Thank you, that means a lot to me. Much love and respect to you also

 

[Ineedtodie]

I'm in the same boat. Tried reading articles about narcissism and PDs to cope, problem is when you have no self worth you can't just get the courage to stand up for yourself, and I don't have friends to prop me up so... Cycle continues.

Sad thing about humanity is they'd rather you suffer than die. People who mercy kill or have societies with suffering-reductive goals end up considered weak or evil, just try counting all the villians who wanted to end peoples' suffering somehow from a bad situation but ended up the bad guy. Unfortunately I think that the pain is what drives (human) life so in my opinion society can be analogued to a "pain engine" as though it were a resource to be maximized. I say get out while you still can, only accept the suffering if you know it will bring you better days afterwards.

It's just deeply sad. Having low self worth while being stuck in an environment that is deeply devaluing you.
For me I can't imagine a scenerio where I' m empowered to sustain the suffering.
I think of my life as a horrific twisted sequence of events like a in a horror movie except its not a movie and it has awful consequences.
And like you I' m alone in this.
I see people empathizing with almost everything to some level except mental struggles. All suffering is ligitimized but ours. What a twisted reality. In prespective Ctb is what make the most sens for me.
Best of luck to you.

I'm sorry you feel alone in your struggles, we're here

Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is a cruel world that we live in as after all so much endless pain and suffering continues to exist. Your feelings of wishing to be gone from this world are understandable, it sounds like you have been through a lot and it must be so awful and tiring what you have had to endure. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Unlucked]

I've never been good at telling my story, also english isn't my native language. And i' m probably going to skip some details and context. But I can answer if anyone asks. Its easier for me this way otherwise it going too long. With my english I wouldn't read it myself honestly.

When family does not acknowledge your suffering and are emotionally distant, so you're on you're own, no other support, feeling too helpless facing the situation as a whole while feeling extremely unsafe and disconnected from my social environment, and being stigmatized for being mentally ill.

As an adult Facing all these consequences and the roots of my suffering at once in the same environment in which all of it started and lasted, left untreated, not even acknowledged.
It feels insane to try. I can't even imagine one scenerio of sustaible progress to fit in and survive.
Tbe honest its all too overwhelming to describe. Shit is just too sureal. I could just ctb and end it all. World is too cruel for people like me. Dk if I was even making sens.

It's one of the saddest things in the world to see someone struggling and their own family does not even acknowledge them. I'm sorry you have to endure such pain and the hopelessness that comes with being rejected by the group of people who were supposed to care for you and love you, I know that feeling very well. It's even worse if you don't have friends either and are all alone with a broken family. The way I cope with it is just imagining conversations in my head with God and Jesus, and imaginary people in my head who I haven't talked to in a while but who i delude myself into thinking I'm communicating with them telepathically, for the majority of the hours of the day, since I'm usually alone all day everyday, it sucks.

Sorry for the weird tangent haha

 

[Ineedtodie]

It's one of the saddest things in the world to see someone struggling and their own family does not even acknowledge them. I'm sorry you have to endure such pain and the hopelessness that comes with being rejected by the group of people who were supposed to care for you and love you, I know that feeling very well. It's even worse if you don't have friends either and are all alone with a broken family. The way I cope with it is just imagining conversations in my head with God and Jesus, and imaginary people in my head who I haven't talked to in a while but who i delude myself into thinking I'm communicating with them telepathically, for the majority of the hours of the day, since I'm usually alone all day everyday, it sucks.

Sorry for the wierd tangent haha

Thank you and sorry you have to endure similar circumstances.
Its a fucked up and sureal situation to be in. No mind will bear with this loneliness and rejection.
Your way of coping is understandable. haha

It certainly is a cruel world that we live in as after all so much endless pain and suffering continues to exist. Your feelings of wishing to be gone from this world are understandable, it sounds like you have been through a lot and it must be so awful and tiring what you have had to endure. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

Its been really tiring and truly felt like endless pain in a cruel world.
Thank you and hope you too find your peace and freedom.

 

[denix66]

Hello.... I can put myself in your place.... My situation did not start as early as yours.... But a few years to this part the family relationship 2 children and wife 10 years mad younger than me I 66 she55

is leading to what you explain... .And that is even worse than the pain.... Really that is the reason that sooner or later I will surely take to ctb... Since the worse situation gets worse every day and the pain increases... .... I don't want to live anymore I'm totally disappointed and even the balls of everything...

A big hug for you... And my sincere wish that you find the peace, rest and exit you deserve as soon as possible...

 

[Pluto]

A functional family will leave you supported, empowered, content and strong.
A dysfunctional family will leave you shattered, confused, depressed and fragile.

It is important that you see them as they are: totally untrustworthy, dangerous and best avoided if at all possible. You will need to replace your family with people who have the qualities that they lack (like care and empathy).

Connecting with online groups, such as narcissistic family support networks, is a safe place to start. You need to understand what the family have done to you, and learn appropriate boundaries so that your future relationships do not repeat these abusive patterns. Many of us are going through the same thing. I know how hard it is.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Nah, they can suffer too. Unfortunately, karma isn't real.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Hello.... I can put myself in your place.... My situation did not start as early as yours.... But a few years to this part the family relationship 2 children and wife 10 years mad younger than me I 66 she55

is leading to what you explain... .And that is even worse than the pain.... Really that is the reason that sooner or later I will surely take to ctb... Since the worse situation gets worse every day and the pain increases... .... I don't want to live anymore I'm totally disappointed and even the balls of everything...

A big hug for you... And my sincere wish that you find the peace, rest and exit you deserve as soon as possible...

Thank you and Sorry you're in pain and having to face such situation. I wish you peace and freedom from all your suffering.

Nah, they can suffer too. Unfortunately, karma isn't real.

I respect your opinion. Personaly I do believe in karma, personal and collective. Karma explains the cyclic nature of our actions. We found our selfs doing the same things and living the same situations. It has to due with every factors from genetics to even factors before we are even born. I think we can escape the karmic suffering in therory but unfortunately perhaps we lack the tools and means to do so and a relatively a sane environment. Most of us don't get the chance and have the momentum to turn things around.
its and overwhelming conditioning we need to face at once in an insane society.