I don't want to leave my son

[Hanger]

Maybe it will help your son if you write a letter to him that explains your thoughts and pain and how hard it was for you to leave him. This letter should be given to him when he is an dault, so he could better undersatnd it. And yes it´s a crime that suicide is a taboo. Everybody has the right to live, but everybody should also have the right to die.

 

[Jolene40]

Hanger I just saw this after my post. I couldn't agree more. Serious illness in a parent is it's own form of abandonment- whether you chose it or not. I know the damage this itself can cause. I think you make some really valid points.
I'm lucky in that my sdin has a good relationship with his dad and stepmum - as do I. He has siblings with them, he has a large extended family there. I feel great comfort in this. However we are so interconnected in a way he isn't with his dad. As time goes on I feel he is wanting to connect more and more with his father's side. As much as it kills me it is what I have been working towards

 

[Hanger]

So it´s good he can be with his dad, so I think it would not be as hard as if there would be nobody else here than you and him. So i think it´s ok if you end your life to get out of your hell. The method is hard to suggest, cause everybody has his own preferences. I´m afraid of drinking medicine and chemicals and it won´t be possible to get a package from outside the Eu without being opened, so N and so on would not work for me. I prefer full suspension hanging cause it easy to perform, quick and I felt no pain until I passed out and was saved. But I´m also sure it´s easier for some people to drink cehmicals like N than hanging themselves.

 

[Jolene40]

Thankyou hanger. Your words are of great comfort.
I've also got some weird genetic thing called ehlers danlos syndrome which makes you hyper mobile everywhere. Knowing my luck my neck would just blimmin stretch like stretch Armstrong and it would go in forever.
I imagine that gives you some comfort knowing that method was something you could endure.

 

[Hanger]

Be sure nobody survives full suspension hanging if he/she is not saved or something breaks. And yes it makes it easier that I can take my noose and hang myself whenever I want to

 

[Jolene40]

I just couldn't do it I'm sure of it. I have various physical restrictions. I just want the blimmin euthanasia cocktail from Dignitas.
I am going to do more research into pento.
Thank you all. It is a great comfort to even be able to discuss this.

 

[Hanger]

it´s good to have someone to talk to, also about such complicated topics. I hope you will find the right way for you. And if you ever need somebody to talk, feel free to write.

 

[Jolene40]

Maybe it will help your son if you write a letter to him that explains your thoughts and pain and how hard it was for you to leave him. This letter should be given to him when he is an dault, so he could better undersatnd it. And yes it´s a crime that suicide is a taboo. Everybody has the right to live, but everybody should also have the right to die.

I think a letter like this would be really important.

 

[Wantingpeace]

Thankyou all for your replies. I'm going to look this N up. Like many of you the fear is ballsing it up, ending up a complete vegetable and stuck in that state and agonising pain. The world needs to wake up. I do not understand why suicide is so taboo and why those suffering in any form cannot be allowed or supported in dying! I understand the vulnerable need to be protected but on a case by case basis why on earth is there such insistence on suffering.
Sayo your thread is super helpful.
As an adult I fully understand my father's pain and am the only one in the family who does not think it selfish. I understand his suffering now. But the impact it has had on me- wuyhout me even realising it - has been undeniable.
I think I just want someone to say it's ok and let me off the hook but I know no one can ever tell me my son will not suffer. I just need to decide whether it's worse he watches a disgusting progressive decline where he loses me entirely even though I'm still here or whether suicide would be better to spare that part at least
One counsellor said your son would prefer to have you even as a vegetable in a room whom he never sees much to you being dead. When she said that I cried so much as I believe that to be true. I fear I'm not strong enough though to endure such suffering with no end in sight.

This makes me so angry! Again this is ok for counsellor to say!

 

[Jolene40]

This makes me so angry! Again this is ok for counsellor to say!

To be fair this was at a time I was unwell but not seriously impacted to the extent I am now so it was a hypothetical discussion mainly at that point. I think the concern was that I was more temporarily depressed with hope of coming through it than the state I'm in now.
But it has stuck with me in my mind now I'm where I'm at.