Venting I dont want to heal

[painfuleternity]

maybe it sounds stupid, but when people say "youll heal with time" it makes me want to rip my hair out. I suffer so much yet I somehow feel a comfort in the pain.I dont want to recover. i dont want to get better. i want to suffer until i die. i deserve it. what would i be without my pain? without the abuse and trauma and constant suffering. id be nothing.

 

[LapseInTime]

It's truly damaging, whenever people have said that to me, it always sounds like "You're too much to deal with". I feel that it's wishful thinking and nothing more than a pleasantry. The only thing that's gotten better with time is that, now, I just don't try to fight it. It's dismissive, it's like saying "It's just a phase!".