Venting I don't want to eat ever again

[toskita]

I can't deal with how much fatter I've gotten, it's making me sick, everytime I sit down slightly bending over, the grease is there, folding and just being disgusting overall. When I lay down to the side, it falls and gets to touch the mattress with me, like a tumor that will only get bigger overtime, ruining my peace, clinging and taking away my freedom. My clothes fit me as usual, the sizes are just fine, but the way they show my skin makes me not want to ever use them anymore, and the joy of being naked is suddenly a feeling of rot, knowing that this body is nothing to be proud of, it looses it's sex appeal every day more and more, from it being something everyone would crave for it's think build and fragility, it's turning to just a regular weak build, thin arms, very slightly muscular legs and a stomach that makes me want to puke. If I could just open it, pull all the fat away and then die after seeing how destroyed I had to get in order to be as skinny as before.
I should legit be cutting myself right now but my bf would notice and break up with me asap, as if it wasn't my own body to begin with, why is alcohol so normalized to do when it's poison but the moment one does a regular cut in a non threatening place, the whole world cries, such hipocresy

 

[whywere]

I am built like an over 6-foot string bean, as my arms are smaller than most ladies. I am 74.5 inches tall and 160lb and look like a walking stick.

SO, WHAT!!?? I have qualities, like everyone, that extends beyond how I look. When I was in high school, some of the guys that were much stronger than me, and I saw them, and guess what? I am light years ahead of them.

I am 69 and I mention this only as, I imagine you are a lot younger than me and you have so MUCH, not only to give yourself, but others. It takes some time and effort, BUT as you progress through life, you will look back and smile, I have!

Everyone has their own set of talents, and so do you and body build is NOTHING, it is your heart, mind and soul.

Please do NOT be so hard on yourself, you are BEAUTIFUL as you are, trust me,

Lots of love and I stand with you forever; you ARE a gift!

Walter