I don't want to die

[BellaKAT]

i feel like it's my only option, due to a medical condition that leaves me unable to fully function in the ways I'd like and unable to live a life I'd say is worth living. I keep finding myself putting off my date, due to birthdays etc - events of others I don't want to ruin with my ctb. I keep seeing new doctors - on the off chance someone will find a solution. No luck so far. I have n on hand. My next opportunity will be July 8th and the few days after, and then all of august. I'm just venting here.

 

[Malice1]

I feel the same. I was suppose to do it today with my N (still might) but like you i keep pushing it off.

 

[Karenbaker]

I feel the same. I was suppose to do it today with my N (still might) but like you i keep pushing it off.

Have you opened the bottles yet ?? What put you off doing it today ?

 

[Malice1]

Have you opened the bottles yet ?? What put you off doing it today ?

Yes i opened them. I still might do it today. Cant let them go to waste.

 

[El Topo]

i feel like it's my only option, due to a medical condition that leaves me unable to fully function in the ways I'd like and unable to live a life I'd say is worth living. I keep finding myself putting off my date, due to birthdays etc - events of others I don't want to ruin with my ctb. I keep seeing new doctors - on the off chance someone will find a solution. No luck so far. I have n on hand. My next opportunity will be July 8th and the few days after, and then all of august. I'm just venting here.

I'm in the exact same situation. I don't want to die, but I have difficulty seeing the point in continuing to live a life that's barely a life. It feels like everything ended when I became ill over 10 years ago, and even though I still have a sliver of hope that things will improve, it's tough to keep going... every... fucking... day...

I recently read an article by a chronic Lyme patient who attempted suicide. He wrote, "I didn't want to end my life. I wanted to escape the terminal collapse of my world."

 

[goggleboxers]

Yes i opened them. I still might do it today. Cant let them go to waste.

You can keep them in a container and store them in the fridge till a later date ?

 

[goggleboxers]

I'm in the exact same situation. I don't want to die, but I have difficulty seeing the point in continuing to live a life that's barely a life. It feels like everything ended when I became ill over 10 years ago, and even though I still have a sliver of hope that things will improve, it's tough to keep going... every... fucking... day...

I recently read an article by a chronic Lyme patient who attempted suicide. He wrote, "I didn't want to end my life. I wanted to escape the terminal collapse of my world."

Totally me !! Really don't want to die but suffering a pain it's hard to describe and there's no hope of it improving !! This is what I hate about suicide hotlines and mental health charities, there formed for people who have mental health isstes like depression which can be fought but when suffering from intolerable pain they can't help at all

 

[BellaKAT]

I'm in the exact same situation. I don't want to die, but I have difficulty seeing the point in continuing to live a life that's barely a life. It feels like everything ended when I became ill over 10 years ago, and even though I still have a sliver of hope that things will improve, it's tough to keep going... every... fucking... day...

I recently read an article by a chronic Lyme patient who attempted suicide. He wrote, "I didn't want to end my life. I wanted to escape the terminal collapse of my world."

EXACTLY. everyday is a struggle. things got this point for me 3 years ago and haven't really improved since. i'm tired of this and i'm scared of living the rest of my life this way.

 

[Malice1]

You can keep them in a container and store them in the fridge till a later date ?

Yeah i could do that. Thanks for reminding me. I forgot about putting it in the fridge.

 

[Definitelyworried]

Yes i opened them. I still might do it today. Cant let them go to waste.

How long have you been thinking of suicide?
I'm like you, I'm thinking of hanging myself though.

 

[Kogoruhn]

I'm on the same boat. I don't want to die but my condition is making me depressed and my life miserable. I wish there was a miracle cure for it, but i have been to a lot of medics with no answers and im losing hope.

 

[El Topo]

I'm on the same boat. I don't want to die but my condition is making me depressed and my life miserable. I wish there was a miracle cure for it, but i have been to a lot of medics with no answers and im losing hope.

There are many stories of people miraculously getting better from their health condition, but it seems to be completely random. There's no way of knowing if we will be one of those miracles, no matter how much effort we may put into it. We can dedicate our lives 24/7 to researching, seeing doctors, trying different treatments, etc. and yet keep getting worse, slowly fading away.

When is it okay to finally give up???

 

[Tiburcio]

When is it okay to finally give up?

Guys, if I was in your situation I would have gave up at the first week.

How do you have so much motivation?

 

[Malice1]

How long have you been thinking of suicide?
I'm like you, I'm thinking of hanging myself though.

For a while now. Didn't start getting serious about it until about a year ago though.

 

[Tomasnil]

Hope is the last to desert a person
You have it or you dont

 

[BellaKAT]

I started seeing a new doctor a week a go, gonna give it til august first and and if i see no positive change by then, that will be my ctb date.but if I really can't stand stand to go one I may chose July the week of the 8th

 

[Tiredman]

If I was in perfect health I wouldn't want to die. I wish I could have went to college and live to see what the future holds like people on Mars. The only way that'd happen though is through years of suffering from my chronic pain from injuries and illnesses which imo isn't worth it.

 

[El Topo]

Guys, if I was in your situation I would have gave up at the first week.

How do you have so much motivation?

Never underestimate the will to survive.

I've been severely disabled since age 23. If I was healthy and saw someone in my situation, I would think their life must be miserable.

And my life is miserable, objectively, compared to most people. Yet despite being ill for over 10 years, I only began contemplating suicide last year. Until then, I somehow managed to keep going and going. And who knows how long I might keep going for. Maybe a month. Maybe a year. Maybe I'll never end up CTBing.

I have N. I have a lethal dose of opiates. I can end things whenever I want. But here I am...

 

[6477244ts5]

I don't believe anyone wants to die. I don't believe the antinatalists and the like who say nobody should be alive and they long for nothing more than total oblivion are being honest. I believe people who get to where we are want relief from pain, whatever that pain is, and it brings them some comfort or sense of control to declare they want to be gone. In my view the proof to the contrary is they are still here. Even with the difficulty of survival instinct, it's incredibly easy to be dead. We all have several methods available to us right now. If what you wanted more than anything was to not exist why would you let a few seconds of falling or squeezing or whatever get in your way? If I wanted death....truly wanted it....I'd grit my teeth like the first time you did something scary like bungee jumping or riding a roller coaster and would go for it. A few seconds of pain for what you want most in the world. But I don't WANT to die. I want my pain to stop and feel pushed there as I can't find another way.