BlueLock
Member
- Nov 8, 2024
- 43
I don't want to get better but I don't want to get worse. I don't like leaving the house anymore but I hate doing nothing all day. All I think about is the past and every stupid mistake I made and it makes me cringe so hard I want to jump off a cliff. I frequently call suicide hotlines even though I don't think it helps. I go to therapy even though I know it doesn't fucking help at all. Ive been sleeping with rope and SN under my bed for 4 months now. I got close to doing it a few times but I haven't made a /serious/ attempt in like a year. I want to die I really, truly do but I can't do it. I always chicken out last minute and end up feeling sorry for myself. It's so pathetic it makes me want to die even more but I still can't do it.
It's getting to the point where my life has completely stopped because I have the mindset that nothing matters because i'm going to kill myself in a few months, YET I never do. I can't commit to living or dying am I screwed?
It's getting to the point where my life has completely stopped because I have the mindset that nothing matters because i'm going to kill myself in a few months, YET I never do. I can't commit to living or dying am I screwed?
