Venting I don't want to die, but I do

[Sadbanana]

I really don't want to die, I never did. I don't hate the concept of living, or being a concious entity. But why must this particular life be SO bad! It's like reality just wanted me to lose all hope and kill myself. I'm so scared of dying, I'm scared of pain, I'm scared I will fuck up the method.

Life is so unlivable, but I just can't die. This cognitive dissonance is killing me. I just want a release, I don't want to feel any emotions anymore.

 

[Kinasea]

I know what you mean. Everything about living just seems so exhausting and filled with so much pain. I know life can have joys but they just never seem to reach me. and although not existing seems lovely theres so much that goes into getting there (method, loose ends, etc.)

 

[Ambien addict]

I really don't want to die, I never did. I don't hate the concept of living, or being a concious entity. But why must this particular life be SO bad! It's like reality just wanted me to lose all hope and kill myself. I'm so scared of dying, I'm scared of pain, I'm scared I will fuck up the method.

Life is so unlivable, but I just can't die. This cognitive dissonance is killing me. I just want a release, I don't want to feel any emotions anymore.

me too! I am so scared of all of these methods.

I know what you mean. Everything about living just seems so exhausting and filled with so much pain. I know life can have joys but they just never seem to reach me. and although not existing seems lovely theres so much that goes into getting there (method, loose ends, etc.)

I just wish there was a pill we could take and fix all of this!

 

[SchizoGymnast]

If you don't want to die, don't. Not wanting to live is very different from wanting to die. Forcing an attempt when you're not actually wanting to die, in my opinion, sabotages it and increases risk of failure and permanent damage. I also know from life experience that things tend to resolve over the long haul. I'm not going to say, "It gets better," because that's not guaranteed. But life makes a lot more sense and your ability to ride the waves of life's challenges will be a lot better. Today, I can shrug my shoulders and solve a crisis that would have destabilized me for weeks a couple years ago. And I'm gonna say this with my whole chest... I'm glad I stuck around for that.