For context: I'm transfem and I've been depressed since primary school (bullying, later gender dysphoria with puberty)
A month ago, I finally got HRT and I am not exaggerating when I say that it saved my life.
I had the will to ctb, multiple reliable methods at hand and a planned date but since I already had an appointment to get HRT, I thought to myself: "why not try that before ending it, I can still do it later".
My life is still bad and I still have depression but I finally have some hope for the future for the first time in like a decade. I still have a lot of dysphoria but I've had a glimpse of what it's like to feel comfortable in my body for the first time in my life.
There is still a lot of shit that I will have to deal with in the future but I finally see a reason to keep on going instead of just existing for the sake of not being dead to please others' feelings.
This is the first time that something has ever improved my mental health. Therapy didn't do the trick, medications didn't do the trick and the psych ward made it worse.
I might still die in the future from suicide, who knows, but this is the first time I've ever had a mental hesitation to the thought of dying. I would've 100% shot myself if you handed me a gun at any point in the past decade or so but now, I would hesitate. I would probably still do it if I was alone in a room with it for a long time but I wouldn't do it impulsively.
idk I just wanted to share my thoughts, maybe this can give at least some hope to someone here
there is this saying along the lines of "you don't want to die, you want the pain to go away" and I think that HRT made "the pain go away" or at least gave me the hope of achieving that
A month ago, I finally got HRT and I am not exaggerating when I say that it saved my life.
I had the will to ctb, multiple reliable methods at hand and a planned date but since I already had an appointment to get HRT, I thought to myself: "why not try that before ending it, I can still do it later".
My life is still bad and I still have depression but I finally have some hope for the future for the first time in like a decade. I still have a lot of dysphoria but I've had a glimpse of what it's like to feel comfortable in my body for the first time in my life.
There is still a lot of shit that I will have to deal with in the future but I finally see a reason to keep on going instead of just existing for the sake of not being dead to please others' feelings.
This is the first time that something has ever improved my mental health. Therapy didn't do the trick, medications didn't do the trick and the psych ward made it worse.
I might still die in the future from suicide, who knows, but this is the first time I've ever had a mental hesitation to the thought of dying. I would've 100% shot myself if you handed me a gun at any point in the past decade or so but now, I would hesitate. I would probably still do it if I was alone in a room with it for a long time but I wouldn't do it impulsively.
idk I just wanted to share my thoughts, maybe this can give at least some hope to someone here
there is this saying along the lines of "you don't want to die, you want the pain to go away" and I think that HRT made "the pain go away" or at least gave me the hope of achieving that
(sorry for my bad english)
