I don’t think people like me are destined to ever be happy

[affirmatice]

I can pinpoint very real things that are going wrong in my life, chronic health problems, etc. that was the catalyst towards severe depression that I don't see a way out of.

That being said. I have every single ingredient to be an unhappy human.

Likely due to my natural personality + growing up with a severely oppressing, aggressive, and unsupportive father.

I do honestly have so many positive traits. Very funny, emotional, and driven. But it's always been overshadowed by all these darkness.

Huge tendency towards social and general anxiety. Crippling insecurity that i have always had to ward off. Low genuine self-esteem, at times I've thought it was improved but often found it was just an artificial ego I developed. Extreme Perfectionism leading to it being very difficult (but not impossible) for me to be satisfied. Yet at the same time I'm self-aware of all these flaws and I hate them.

I am just not really built for this world I think. I've spent a majority of my life battling off my inner nature in a goal to just be human, to just be myself, to live freely. And i have made progress, but it shouldn't have been so difficult in the first place.

Then came my chronic health issues which stripped everything away from me. And naturally, as an already unstable person, it ruined me beyond words.

So yea. I don't know. I just have a bad mix of traits that all combine to make life quite, quite difficult. And with this final straw, I'd rather not keep pushing for the basic right of happiness. </3 it shouldn't be so hard to be happy!

 

[VoidBlessed]

I feel like I could have written this myself, I can resonate with everything you just said. I also don't believe I'm built for this world. I've never felt a real sense of belonging here, like I'm struggling to even figure out the rules of this place, like maybe the soul in my body was meant to go inside a tentacle-alien a trillion lightyears away instead of this planet. This place makes me miserable too, so I've been trying to ctb for a while. Hopefully it'll take me home

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see myself as not meant for any of this as well, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[melonpan]

This can go both ways but for me, it is sometimes comforting to know "I'm not that special." Why am I so special to not deserve and to not ever earn happiness and success as everyone else does?
I understand though, it's hard not to just pinpoint this idea on yourself that you simply aren't good enough or that this is your set life. I can't really give much commentary on that because I myself have the same issue, already choosing a fate for myself.
I hope you can find happiness one way or another soon.

 

[failureofahuman]

Relatable, even as a kid I felt excluded and self-conscious, always doing things I felt embarrassed by. I can recognize that I'm made of the same stuff as other people but I still feel like I don't belong
I hope you can find happiness