I don't think i can kill myself as my mum will be devastated!

[heretogethelp]

what do u think?

 

[Apricity]

what do u think?

I don't believe in forcing myself to live in misery just to spare the feelings of others.
What makes you want to ctb anyway?

 

[Hotsackage]

Me to

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I am devastated that my mother gave birth to me, so that makes it even.

 

[fruit-loops]

I feel the same. I don't know if she will be able to manage it and I'm scared that my decision will also condemn her to the death. She is actually the only person really trying to helping me and I feel too bad about driving her to a fatal desperation.

Sometimes I think to wait her natural departure before to ctb, but I don't know how much I can resist..

 

[Mr2005]

I think my mum will also be devastated but let's see she's had ermmmm 17 years to help and hasn't done a god damn thing

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that suicide is a pain cycle, to end our own it passes it on to other people. However, we did not ask to exist so it isn't like we have any obligation to stay alive. I understand it is hard to deal with, but I personally couldn't suffer for decades just for the sake of others and it would be selfish of them to expect me too.

 

[Teardrop2021]

This is a huge factor for me too.....I don't have any answers for you.

 

[Hurt]

I don't want my parents to be devastated by my dead neither. I'm living because I don't want them to be sad. But everyday this gets worse and worse. I don't know how much I can handle this.

 

[IWantToSleep]

I can relate, am in a sort of similar situation, but if it gets bad enough, I don't know.

 

[Tomoko]

My mother died when I was 12. She was a drug addict who didn't take care of me and made my childhood unecessarily dangerous for many years.

 

[Ozzyos]

Same situation for me. My mum does not deserve it and has been supportive since I came clean about my depression. Obviously I have the right to decide over my own life and it isn't fair that I should suffer another 50 years either. But it does make it harder…

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I'm in the same situation. I don't believe in living for the sake of someone else, but the thought of the devestation I would leave after my death does bother me. I've read when someone commits suicide, it can spread like a disease. Those closest, their rates of committing suicide skyrockets. My mother has suffered a lot in life and I know if I were to go through with it, she would die. Maybe not physically, but her spirit would be snuffed out forever.

I've no idea what to do, but every day I get a little closer to CTB.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Me too. I told my parents I'm depressed but know one will listen they just keep expecting me to work and continue I can't do it anymore

 

[Maravillosa]

I have decided to delay my ctb until after the death of my 81-year-old mother. However, she jarred me a few weeks ago when she told me she wants to live until 110. I would be 84 years old if Mom dies at 110 — older than she is now. I felt trapped (I don't think she was joking: I think she actually wants to live many more years). Would I feel morally obliged to take care of her and keep changing her diapers (she is incontinent and bedbound) for the next 29 years? Heavens, I want to travel around the world for a couple of years and live on my own and successfully publish at least one novel before I die! The first two things I mentioned would almost certainly be impossible for me if Mom lives to an overripe old age. Grrr!

 

[NoPointToContinue]

If you decide to live for your mom, you should try to change yourself, your life and try to be not miserable. If you live for your mom and be miserable, you will make her feel bad also and I think after time passes you will hate her. Subconsciously you will put demands on her to be good you, because you will think "I don't kill myself only because of you mom". It is really a complicated matter and is not idealistic as it sounds.

I support you decision to live for your mom, but if you really start to live and try to make her and yourself happy. Otherwise what is the point?