Venting I don't really want to die, I just want a break

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I don't really want to die and be gone forever. I just want to take a long break from life. I don't mean just a vacation from work. I mean a long time where I don't have to worry about showering, eating, worrying about the future, and bein conscious. A vacation isn't enough, because I still feel physical pain from my medical condition. I want to truly rest and just escape it all for a while. I think if I could do that then I could recharge and come back to really face life. But that's impossible, and life just continues to batter me, and every day I'm almost overwhelmed. I want to go back to the past, back to when I was 18. I wasn't happy then, but at least my body was healthy, it didn't hurt every day.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I understand. I think I'd like a long break to at least figure out if I definitely want to ctb, when and by what method. I've been in limbo for so long and I just don't get time to think. No time to relax. I think I will probably get my long break soon though as I can sense I'm heading for a breakdown. Just don't know how I'll manage financially.