I don't really want to CTB; would rather the bus catch me.

[Aliaiactaest]

I think that explains how I really feel. There's a certain embarrassment factor in CTB. It's a way of saying that I failed when, for the most part, I feel that I've been mostly successful in life. Of course, now I am dealing with some real instances of failure; but if you look at the overall arc of my life, it has been mostly success.

 

[Ruffian]

Awww. Maybe you have something to live for still? I don't know you or your situation, but I know how hard failure is. Most of my life has been one, except for whatever reason I got lucky in love a few times. If you're usually successful, can you pick yourself back up? You don't need to be embarrassed about wanting to ctb or even doing it. It's better if you don't, but it's certainly not an embarrassment.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

Ruffian, sorry, but for whatever reason I view it as an admission of failure--at least for myself. I get it if you are in enormous physical pain, or you are 75 or 85 years or older. At my age (58) it isn't the worst thing in the world I suppose, but it still feels like an admission of failure. It gets harder and harder to pick yourself up as you get older.

 

[Ruffian]

I know. I'm 51 and trying to pick up the pieces yet again. And it's the biggest mess I've made of my life yet. That is the worst embarrassment. A noble and successful suicide seems better for some reason.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

I am with you on that. As Nietzche said, a proud death if you cannot live a proud life, or something like that.

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

I feel like a large portion of people feel this way, too. I guess it's because "wanting to let the bus catch you" implies that there isn't any reason to want to CTB in the first place.

I do get what you're saying about the embarrassment factor though, and I feel like this is especially true for younger people (like myself -- 21). Personally speaking, I occasionally think about how I managed to screw things up at such a young age.

 

[Ruffian]

I feel like a large portion of people feel this way, too. I guess it's because "wanting to let the bus catch you" implies that there isn't any reason to want to CTB in the first place.

I do get what you're saying about the embarrassment factor though, and I feel like this is especially true for younger people (like myself -- 21). Personally speaking, I occasionally think about how I managed to screw things up at such a young age.

@GrizzlyGrapefruit , first of all, love your Avatar and screen name. 2nd, idk if you can relate, but there are at least 5 times in my life I look back and say, this was a horrible decision on my part. Then there are at least another 3 where a therapist pushed me into a decision I knew in my heart was wrong. That's not to say they wouldn't have turned out horrible anyway, but they are much harder to accept than my own honest mistakes.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I specifically use the word "failure" or "failed" in my suicide note. I could care less what people think of my life, and frankly, I am not to be blamed for most of these "failures". Let those I leave behind think what they want, I own and know my truth so fuck it.

 

[anteater]

I can relate to some degree, I really want to die, but when I think of family I just can't get enough motivation. I don't want to cause them suffer from know I killed myself, so I wait for the day they pass away, we get distant somehow or I get killed somehow in an accident or maybe by illness.

 

[Ruffian]

I can relate to some degree, I really want to die, but when I think of family I just can't get enough motivation. I don't want to cause them suffer from know I killed myself, so I wait for the day they pass away, we get distant somehow or I get killed somehow in an accident or maybe by illness.

I think these thoughts are both natural and noble. It negates the narrative about how selfish suicide is.

 

[Yakamoz]

Same

 

[bluebus]

I think that explains how I really feel. There's a certain embarrassment factor in CTB. It's a way of saying that I failed when, for the most part, I feel that I've been mostly successful in life. Of course, now I am dealing with some real instances of failure; but if you look at the overall arc of my life, it has been mostly success.

I relate to every word here. And I love your title, couldn't have said it better myself. I wish the bus was electric too, so I couldn't hear it coming. Total surprise.

 

[Ashu]

I think these thoughts are both natural and noble. It negates the narrative about how selfish suicide is.

Yes. The normtards have no fucking idea how we struggle.