Discussion I don't like feeling better

[Thinking]

For the past few weeks I've been actively trying to get better. I feel less stressed and upset all the time, and the urge to ctb is a much more passive. I should feel good about this, but I... don't? I just feel a bit empty, and I miss the pain and the panic.

What's wrong with me?

 

[signifying nothing]

Nothing wrong with you. Feeling something, anything, is better than feeling an empty nothing.

 

[Tired_Tired]

For me it looked like you need life partner or some activity to fill the empty. Do you have dog? I like dog more than cat. Dogs are so loyal to humans beings.

 

[muffin222]

That's totally normal. Over time, pain, suffering, and suicidal thoughts become our "baseline", our comfort zone. Venturing out of that comfort zone can create feelings of discomfort and uneasiness, a sense of things being off somehow because we've shifted out of our normal baseline.
As you continue channeling your energy consistently into your recovery, feeling better will gradually become your new baseline and the weirdness of leaving your old comfort zone of pain and panic will fade. I also recommend finding new activities or hobbies to pursue to fill the space created by no longer being actively suicidal.
Best of luck to you

 

[Thinking]

For me it looked like you need life partner or some activity to fill the empty. Do you have dog? I like dog more than cat. Dogs are so loyal to humans beings.

I wish I had a pet but I live with my parents right now so I'm not allowed one

 

[Life_and_Death]

I wish I had a pet but I live with my parents right now so I'm not allowed one

What about a fish? They're quiet, stay in the corner and don't make much mess.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

When I first started meds back in the day, I remember quite clearly when they really started to work.

I was in college at the time and was walking on a beautiful fall day in New York. It felt like a perfect moment. All of a sudden I felt the clouds lift. Not the literal clouds, but the ones I'd been used to living in. I saw the amazing day, the colors of the leaves, and the fact that I was standing in the middle of a crowd, all by myself. I was completely freaked out.

Part of the process of getting better is developing new thought patterns and habits to replace the old ones. It's just as hard to adjust to better as it was to adjust to feeling worse.

Hang in there. Getting better gets better. And your SI has been your friend for a while, so of course you miss it. I keep mine in check by spending some time here and watching some of my creepy movies on Netflix. It's what works for me.

 

[issyishere]

I took an enneagram personality test and I ended up with a type 4 personality. I think you might also be because what an unhealthy type 4 does is tie their personality to their melancholy because its all they know. I know I personally do the same and Im trying to recover. Apparently what we need to do to become a healthy type 4 is realize what our true interests are and find out who we really are if we take pain out of the equation. The question you may need to answer is "who are you without depression?"

If you can't answer it then you have not found out yet. I personally am not sure yet who I am either. I guess we need to find out what we enjoy and what hobbies we are interested. It's really tough with this pandemic.

 

[Water-Lily]

That's totally normal. Over time, pain, suffering, and suicidal thoughts become our "baseline", our comfort zone. Venturing out of that comfort zone can create feelings of discomfort and uneasiness, a sense of things being off somehow because we've shifted out of our normal baseline.
As you continue channeling your energy consistently into your recovery, feeling better will gradually become your new baseline and the weirdness of leaving your old comfort zone of pain and panic will fade. I also recommend finding new activities or hobbies to pursue to fill the space created by no longer being actively suicidal.
Best of luck to you

this is so true. For me I am used to wanting to kill myself everyday so its hard when I feel good