moldyara2002
Member
- Nov 8, 2025
- 24
All I do is waste my life. I can't live. This world is not for me. People are cruel. I'm an outsider. But I don't go outside anymore. I just can't. I haven't gone outside except to walk to and from my car to go to work for 4 years. I can't let people close or sustain any type of connection. Guess I have very confusing avoidant and insecure tendencies. My family doesn't like me. Parents think I'm a stupid disappointment. Neighbors judge and talk trash on me even though I stay in the house. I'm agoraphobic and neurodivergent. The only people who have any liking about me are a few good people at work because at least there I work smart and hard, they see me differently than the rest of the people I have come across. But my coworker who I have been in a sort of 2 year situationship with is starting to quit on me because I can't let him in more, and he doesn't like when I'm negative. But he probably just wants me to be sexual anyways. I can't be a sexual person. I've gotten my little car stuck twice this winter and needed help from family who make me feel like a stupid inconvenience for it, probably because is true. I'm sick of keeping up with my routines, I just want out.
My life ended. I'm just floating on in gray matter. I feel like I'm going to keep dragging it on until I'm left standing alone. I think I'm going to make a dreadful appointment with the doctor and ask for my Prozac to be reactivated. I was on it for 2 years and it made me suicidal as fuck and killed the rest of my cares and feelings for the most part. Being on it is what gave me the sole motivation to be able to buy my gun. Which I accomplished back then. Nothing mattered except suicide, it was all consuming. I think that's the motivation I need to pull the trigger now.
So it'll be ssris, handgun and 124 grain 9mm hollowpoint behind/above the ear, tank of nitrous oxide (my favorite, I don't even like weed or alc) to take away the SI, destroy my devices, erase myself, Boom. Gone forever.
My life ended. I'm just floating on in gray matter. I feel like I'm going to keep dragging it on until I'm left standing alone. I think I'm going to make a dreadful appointment with the doctor and ask for my Prozac to be reactivated. I was on it for 2 years and it made me suicidal as fuck and killed the rest of my cares and feelings for the most part. Being on it is what gave me the sole motivation to be able to buy my gun. Which I accomplished back then. Nothing mattered except suicide, it was all consuming. I think that's the motivation I need to pull the trigger now.
So it'll be ssris, handgun and 124 grain 9mm hollowpoint behind/above the ear, tank of nitrous oxide (my favorite, I don't even like weed or alc) to take away the SI, destroy my devices, erase myself, Boom. Gone forever.
