Help I don't know what to do

[dietsodamnsad]

I can't stay alive anymore, I'm sorry I just can't. I tried to ctb yesterday but the police stopped me and took me home, so now my family won't let me leave the house in case I try again. There's nothing I have immediately available to me that will kill me. I'm too weak to cut a vein (even though I self harm, how pathetic is that?), my mum checks on me too often for me to ligature (plus it doesn't work well for me, I just end up with a sprained neck and losing my voice) so I'd probably just end up brain damaged. I want to jump out of my window (on the 3rd floor of a manor with decorative boulders right beneath me) but it's locked and I cant find the key anywhere.

I'm so desperate, I have no idea what to do with myself. I can't survive until tomorrow, I'm serious, I can't do it. Do I tell my mum to take me to A&E? I feel so weak even thinking about that but I have no idea what I'm going to do. Everytime I go there they just throw me in a psych ward which makes me feel even worse. I'm so scared of being alive tomorrow, I really can't do this anymore.

 

[faust]

I see you currently have no options. I know, it must be very hard to live one more day, but now it would be better to be a bit more patient.
What will happen if you try to CTB now? Is this the way you want to go?
The things you may do guarantee you nothing. And a huge possibility it may get worse after a failure.
So for now even if you are desperate, there is no need to rush. The more you rush, the higher probability of failure.
Psych ward can make you feel even more isolated, well, everything depends on the country. In some countries you will get a huge amount of medication which will make you a vegetable and probably even incapable of being active. If we consider being a vegetable equals to feeling better, then yes, it might help you. But again, this is a very isolating experience.

 

[one4all]

Why can't you live one more day? What will happen if you do?
I can relate to not wanting to be around another day, but my situation is probably different.
Doing something impulsive to CTB might not be the best option though.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

I see you currently have no options. I know, it must be very hard to live one more day, but now it would be better to be a bit more patient.
What will happen if you try to CTB now? Is this the way you want to go?
The things you may do guarantee you nothing. And a huge possibility it may get worse after a failure.
So for now even if you are desperate, there is no need to rush. The more you rush, the higher probability of failure.
Psych ward can make you feel even more isolated, well, everything depends on the country. In some countries you will get a huge amount of medication which will make you a vegetable and probably even incapable of being active. If we consider being a vegetable equals to feeling better, then yes, it might help you. But again, this is a very isolating experience.

Thank you for replying. I've been holding on for so long now, and it has reached the point that it physically hurts to be alive. I've tried distracting myself from the thoughts but it's exhausting, all I know is that I simply can't face another day. I was in 2 psych wards in March, I was discharged from the last one on Tuesday and they made me more sure than ever that this is what needs to happen. I've held on as long as I possibly can.

 

[faust]

Thank you for replying. I've been holding on for so long now, and it has reached the point that it physically hurts to be alive. I've tried distracting myself from the thoughts but it's exhausting, all I know is that I simply can't face another day. I was in 2 psych wards in March, I was discharged from the last one on Tuesday and they made me more sure than ever that this is what needs to happen. I've held on as long as I possibly can.

Could you, please, explain what was your experience being in a psych ward? Because in this case you will not only tell us, but will do a reflection will this be bearable for you to be sectioned once more or you have to avoid that at any cost. If you choose the second answer, that means CTB now should be avoided.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've felt that. That desperate urge to go, now, at all costs. So sorry. Wish I could help. I hope you will find a way to tomorrow and find a way to alleviate your suffering in time.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

Could you, please, explain what was your experience being in a psych ward? Because in this case you will not only tell us, but will do a reflection will this be bearable for you to be sectioned once more or you have to avoid that at any cost. If you choose the second answer, that means CTB now should be avoided.

I apologise for the late reply. Regrettably I'm still alive. I feel drained, angry and frustrated at everything and everyone. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

My experience was that if you are not acutely psychotic or aggressive then staff on psych wards can't afford to waste their time on you. I was on 2 separate wards for just over 2 weeks and I came out feeling even worse. I was unwanted and ignored. They don't have the time for people like me.

 

[faust]

I apologise for the late reply. Regrettably I'm still alive. I feel drained, angry and frustrated at everything and everyone. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

My experience was that if you are not acutely psychotic or aggressive then staff on psych wards can't afford to waste their time on you. I was on 2 separate wards for just over 2 weeks and I came out feeling even worse. I was unwanted and ignored. They don't have the time for people like me.

This is an understandable reaction of staff in places like that. From my personal experience you have to demonstrate your agony and pain in order to get something. Yes, that is not good if we consider moral aspects, but unfortunately it is a sad truth. Nobody will pay attention to you if you are keeping pain inside. They think that you are okay to bear that burden on your own.