Venting i dont know what to do

[catbunny]

i am so tired of living like this. i dont know what to do, what to be, what to think. i am so exhausted and lost and i dont know. i thought life is getting better for a sec and then its all when back to where i was. i feels so jealous of everyones life, i dont like the way they being so happy and have so many people, friends surrounding them with love and support. i hate that it didnt happen to me. i hate how i go around and help people even though i cant even help myself. no one ever asked me if i feel alright, ppl left me bc they think im too negative, my parents still didn't believe me when i told them im tired. i tried so much to be better but itve never worked. i want to die so bad, i want to give up everything and kms but i cant, not like i dont want to but nothing is accessible, and its driving me insane. why do i have to see people be so happy when i have nothing? why i tried so hard on life to receive nothing? whats the point of trying if the results is nothing? why do i have to try so hard? im so tired. i wish i can just leave this place.
this may sounds crazy, like im insane (i am) and selfish (i am) but i want to have a happy relationship like what my friend have, i want to have so many friends that when i posted something on social media, someone will comment and reply it, i want live the life that they live. idk even if these things happened and i live the life like that, i think there still be a voice beside my ears saying "kill your self" and id be happy to do that.

 

[AppleTreeDog]

I feel this. I am also so tired. I'm sorry you have to suffer like this.

 

[EternalSummer]

This post would get better responses ar the recovery section. As for being truthful to you friends about your feelings, its good to be truthful sometimes, it creates a deep connection, but you can't always be negative, it will saturate people around you. Try to find some balance, putting a mask is necessary sometimes.

Also in exploring the recovery section of this website, and is the mostt bullshit free zone of a recovery space I have ever seen. Give it a try, it's very high quality.

 

[Randy Savage]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not a selfish thing to want closeness and connection from a friend if you don't have one.
Leave yourself open to new experiences and seek people out yourself if you want to make new, genuine friends. You can find a person you click with anywhere.

 

[hoppybunny]

So sorry you're going through that. I know what it's like to be envious of the people around you and it makes you feel so gross especially when you already feel bad about yourself. Are you facing bareers to happiness besides your mental health ? Ie poverty, illness, etc?