Venting I don't know what to do

[toadpoison]

I don't know at this point what's right. About 7 months ago I left the mental hospital. I really tried to get better and I was. I got diagnosed with ADHD, Major depressive disorder and a normal anxiety disorder. For the first time I was actually getting what I needed for those things aswell. But I can't get this feeling of tired off of me. I've been holding myself together my my chest always is aching and I feel like I'm gonna cry all the time but can't. I tried to stop taking my meds and forgot how paranoid I am. Im starting to think maybe things really don't get better. I watch everyone I love slowly get worse and go twords death I mean I can't escape it either. I don't know if I believe in the Bible or not and saying that makes me terrified because what if it is and I'm condemned myself. I want to find peace. I feel as long as I live I won't find it because of the inevitable death i can't forget about. I don't know if im an attention seeker or if I really want to die. I just want to be happy and not worry about how the world is and everyone and everything I love eventually ending. But it's just the truth. My memory is getting worse as the days go and I don't know what's happening half the time. I fear if I forget it was it really real? Is anyone real? Or does it even matter because all I will ever experience is being me and this pov. What can I do to escape this. I'm just tired and I worry my life means nothing and weather I die now or in 100 years won't matter because I won't remember it when I die. Is speaking happiness worth it? Or can I just get over this fear constantly haunting me.

 

[DeathPaloma]

I am sorry you feel this way, but also I don't know how to help. Cause I don't know what to do with myself either.

 

[mehdone]

Get back on your meds. :)
Beyond that, yeah, life is hard. All I want is peace, too.