Venting I don't know what to do.

[purgedXO]

I'm too scared to get help for the mental health issues I have. I'm too scared to even talk to my own husband about the mental health issues. I can't afford to get help, even if I wanted to, but I think I've gone on too long neglecting it all, nothing is going to help. I'm scared of the medication I could be put on; I'm scared it either won't do anything, or I'll feel worse than before. What's even the point anymore? Besides being too scared to get help, I'm too scared to ctb. I keep thinking, "Maybe if I wait a little longer, it'll get better." I've been holding onto that for ten years and it just doesn't. Maybe it's meant to get better for some people and I'm just not one of them, but I haven't done anything to get better, so it's not a shock nothing has changed. I just don't care anymore. I keep thinking it'd be selfish of me to ctb, my mom, brother, husband, they'd all be affected, but they'd get over it, ya know? My husband would be better off without me. He struggles with depression, he talks about it openly with me, and I do fuckall to help. I don't know how to help him, I barely know how to help myself, and bringing up my issues when he's struggling doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I'm just going in circles. Too scared to ctb, too tired to continue living.

 

[Worndown]

Check the internet for local counseling. Many offer free of free-will payments. These are often community based organizations. It is free to look.

Nobody should suffer without options. Please check.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I believe that many members on Sanctioned Suicide do not know what to do. That is why we write here, hour after hour and day after day. We can neither live nor die. It is the meaninglessness of life. It is called catch 22.

 

[purgedXO]

Check the internet for local counseling. Many offer free of free-will payments. These are often community based organizations. It is free to look.

Nobody should suffer without options. Please check.

I'll give that a shot, I haven't heard about that before. Thank you.

 

[Longwalk]

If you are depressed and you know he is depressed maybe you can tell him, it might bring you together and maybe you can get help together and support each other.

 

[-Toplox-]

man idk what to say other than I can relate. I thinkin I'll stick around cus if I keep trying shit will get better. And it has, but not enough to make me want to live. I just genuinely don't feel like I was meant to be born, or at least live this long. Nothing feels right. Absolutely nothing. Nowhere I go, nothing I say, no conversation I have, no friend or girls I've dated not even being around my own family. sorry i'm just talking about myself anyway. I'm sorry you're struggling. I'll say that.

 

[purgedXO]

man idk what to say other than I can relate. I thinkin I'll stick around cus if I keep trying shit will get better. And it has, but not enough to make me want to live. I just genuinely don't feel like I was meant to be born, or at least live this long. Nothing feels right. Absolutely nothing. Nowhere I go, nothing I say, no conversation I have, no friend or girls I've dated not even being around my own family. sorry i'm just talking about myself anyway. I'm sorry you're struggling. I'll say that.

I can totally relate to the idea that I wasn't supposed to either be born or have made it this far. I feel like something was supposed to have happened, or I was never meant to be here in the first place. I feel very out of place, if that makes sense. It sucks we can relate in feeling this way, but I feel less alone, and that's kinda nice. <3

If you are depressed and you know he is depressed maybe you can tell him, it might bring you together and maybe you can get help together and support each other.

Yeah, I suppose it could bring us together. I just don't want him to feel like I'm ignoring his issues and trying to make everything about me. I think I'll talk to him soon about it; it can't hurt to try and see what happens.

 

[sash]

Yeah, I suppose it could bring us together. I just don't want him to feel like I'm ignoring his issues and trying to make everything about me. I think I'll talk to him soon about it; it can't hurt to try and see what happens.

Hi. By saying what you just said there's no way you'd make it all about you. Because you just said that! Do you do f all to help? Or do you listen? Maybe it would help him knowing you understand. He'll be shocked, but maybe relieved after a while. We all know how hard it is feeling alone with so much noise in our heads. Instead of going to the pictures you could both sit, hold hands, cry. Who says you have to talk every time. If there is still love for you both, is it worth a shot?
Some couples support different footy teams, and talk to each other about them. Ever liked/disliked etc something different to hubby, were you able to have a discussion? Same but different.
Is part of whats going on in yr head because youre lying to him all the time and its hurting you both? Time for honesty?

 

[purgedXO]

Hi. By saying what you just said there's no way you'd make it all about you. Because you just said that! Do you do f all to help? Or do you listen? Maybe it would help him knowing you understand. He'll be shocked, but maybe relieved after a while. We all know how hard it is feeling alone with so much noise in our heads. Instead of going to the pictures you could both sit, hold hands, cry. Who says you have to talk every time. If there is still love for you both, is it worth a shot?
Some couples support different footy teams, and talk to each other about them. Ever liked/disliked etc something different to hubby, were you able to have a discussion? Same but different.
Is part of whats going on in yr head because youre lying to him all the time and its hurting you both? Time for honesty?

That makes sense. I feel like I do fuckall to help, but I do listen to him. I talk to him about how he's feeling and if there's anything I can do or if there's anything that needs to change that could help him. I try to help where I can, but it never feels like I'm doing enough.

I never considered the fact that us relating to each other about how we feel could make him feel less alone. I do think part of why I'm struggling so much at the moment is because I'm not talking to him about this, and I do think talking to him about it would help me a lot. Without considering how it could possibly help him by opening up about being depressed, it made me think it'd be selfish to bring it up. I do think it's time to be honest.

 

[sash]

Ok, Spin it around. The things you, purged, do for him. Would it be enough if he 'only' did that for you?
You do a lot cos u know how he is. U really do feel his pain. Listening and asking is huge, you know that!
You are gonna need lots of tissues. remember sometimes to touch, even knee against knee. Depression is lonely. To have someone u can call and say 'help me' and they jus talk shite til u calm enough is amazing. I had one once, really helped, both ways. Or even 'i dont wanna do (whatever) right now, can we jus eat cake curl up n watch telly'. rather than lie 'headache' and u both feel worse.

P.s. make it clear that his depression didnt make u depressed, u know he'll be worrying about that, tell him it helped u in a way cos u didnt feel so alone. It might be a lie, but sometimes.... Up to you what you do tho