Venting I dont know if I should die or continue suffering

[Specific_Milk]

I really want to follow through with my 'plans' (in quotations because it's barely a fucking plan) today. I literally have no fucking timeframe to consider things through. This fucking holiday period is a nightmare. Just been forced to do this and that with family and friends, not having any time to myself. I really want to die. I've just blurted out another suicide letter of years worth of stuff I've hidden from my parents. It's all going so fast and I have to fucking sit exams right when I get back with no time for revision plus having to start applying for internships and go job hunting again. I'm in fucking distress and I don't know what to do... I don't fucking get anything anymore. What the fuck is the point of all this bullshit. I don't get why I'm not allowed to die without feeling guilty for a decision that's both rational and a human rights. Why do I have to justify my ctb. I want to go and I don't want to explain any of it because WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T GET IT. LIFE IS FUCKING HARD. THAT'S WHY PEOPLE HANG THEMSELVES FROM THE FUCKING NECK.

 

[oddetoad]

Yeah I will never understand how you can force this brutal existence on some innocent soul

I cant decide either .. but i cant imagine being 80 yrs old

The god of this reality deserves to be punished for an eternity in the depths of hell alone without seeing another being ever again

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's so difficult and stressful because it must feel so pressing. Plus- I get it- why would you have or will you spend time preparing for things when you don't want a future?

It's extremely difficult really. I think- all you can do is focus on what's keeping you here. Is it obligation to family? I'm assuming it is. I feel like we've chatted before actually but sorry- I can't find it. Really, only you know if you can go on for them though.

My situation shares parallels to yours (I think,) although it is slightly less pressing. All the things ahead- at least immediately for me are either stressful, horrible or both! I still need to tidy and clean the place- it's disgusting and I need to do my tax return- both horrible. I also need to hunt for a job and do it. Stressful and potentially horrible. All of it, I'd rather CTB to avoid. For now, I have a little time at least- I have the money from my last intense period of work but it will eventually run out. Plus, my family will start to guilt trip me soon.

I'm dead set on waiting for my Dad to go first though so- I'm telling myself for now that I don't have the choice. It's not impossible that could change but I'm hoping I can last out. I guess we all have to make that decision for ourselves but I truly believe- whatever decision people make- they did the best they could. I'm sorry. I can imagine how awful it must feel.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so cruel how we cannot just have the option to easily cease existing in peace even know we never consented to being in this existence in the first place. It's horrible how humans are expected to continue suffering no matter what with suicide not accepted as a valid option despite the futility and cruelty of existing. But anyway I wish you the best, I understand that it's dreadful feeling so trapped here.