mrkillmyself
if only it were that easy
- Feb 25, 2023
- 12
Hello everyone. My life used to be pretty normal, i just studied and played some videogames, until 2021 happened. I started listening to an artist called "Sewerslvt", and covid was happening, so i stayed home most of the time. Sewerslvt songs are pretty depressing, they talk about suicide, sadness, helplessness, etc, and i got so fucking obsessed with it. I wanted to know every sample, watch every anime she ever used in a music video, and well.. let's just say that being "in the sewer" for too long, even the white rats turn grey. And that's what happened. I also started talking a lot with depressed sisters(that i don't talk much anymore), and it ended up with me being extremely depressed, without being able to talk for 5 minutes without crying, and i ended up in a psych ward. My parents didn't forced me, but i really wanted to. I wanted because at home, i was being treated way too normal for the state i was. At the mental hospital, they would give me food, pills, and i would mostly chill. I know that most of y'all that are reading this aren't really fans of stuff like that, but it helped me. After 1 week, i left, and until today, i still take the meds that were prescribed to me, cuz otherwise, i get even more suicidal. I started therapy too, but i dropped out of it cuz i feel that it started to become a bit repetitive. I'll start college in 1 week, and i'm really hyped for it, i'll focus on it so bad, cuz basically i don't have much going on with my life rn, and i really need to distract, cuz real life is really boring right now. I feel that every day is the same, and i think about suicide a lot. It happens randomly, and i really wanted to know what do y'all do when the CTB feelings kick in. I listen to music, i watch youtube videos, i play some games. But sometimes it's way too much for me. If y'all don't think much about it anymore, please let me know how to.