Venting I don’t know how much longer this can go on

[BlueButterfly111]

My mental health is getting really bad, being autistic with no support and lonely is really hard.

It sucks because I want to live, I l personally live for the little things like I love sunsets and nature and just feeling a breeze against my skin. But I hate everything about society and dealing with people, and I always get treated bad.

I try to live for those little things, but because of being autistic I end up in abusive environments with little to no options or support so I just suffer. (By the way, I'm not speaking for every autistic person, I'm just speaking about my own personal experience with it, so please don't take it the wrong way.)

Things are getting really bad and I have no help or support. I'm also in physical pain and have chronic pain with no insurance that people think I'm being dramatic about and I have no one to help me. (I'm also really scared about that my chronic pain might be an issue that gets worse and know I feel like I should ctb before something worse happens with it, idk.) No one wants to help or deal with me because it's a chore, I was treated bad my whole life.

Even online people tend to ignore me or think I'm being rude on purpose or they don't like autistic people or the way that I talk, they just don't understand me and I don't understand them basically.

I don't even necessarily "want," to die because I love living for those little things and am very in tune with the Earth and spiritual and I love just being. But people always make that hard for me, so it's like I have no other options.

Things are getting really bad, hopefully the next time I run out of money or just have a really bad moment again, I'll have the courage to do it. I don't know how much longer this can go on.

Also I hate being human and everything is itchy and uncomfortable all the time, and I think my autism has gotten worse as I've gotten older and forced into abusive situations that just made my mental health worse.

And yes I still miss my dead boyfriend but at this point I just feel empty and numb about it, the one person who cared about me is gone so all I have to live for is the little things but can't even do that now. Hopefully one of these days, at the right moment in time I'll decide and know when to do it, I just don't know how much longer this can go on.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Story of my life. Being authistic (i have asperger's) and having chronic pain on top of that, made my life unbearable. This is why i intend to ctb with SN in a year or two. I have no support from anyone, not even my parents. They dont understand how bad i feel, and they offer no comfort at all. Im completely and utrerly alone, no friends or girlfriend for support. I'm done with this life. Life shouldnt be spent in sadness and pain.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Story of my life. Being authistic (i have asperger's) and having chronic pain on top of that, made my life unbearable. This is why i intend to ctb with SN in a year or two. I have no support from anyone, not even my parents. They dont understand how bad i feel, and they offer no comfort at all. Im completely and utrerly alone, no friends or girlfriend for support. I'm done with this life. Life shouldnt be spent in sadness and pain.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this, thank you so much. I'm sorry about your pain, but it helps to know at least I'm not the only one who deals with this. People often don't take autistic people seriously I think. I wonder how many others have dealt with this and felt so alone.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I'm glad I'm not alone in this, thank you so much. I'm sorry about your pain, but it helps to know at least I'm not the only one who deals with this. People often don't take autistic people seriously I think. I wonder how many others have dealt with this and felt so alone.

For the longest time, I thought that I was alone in this too. I've noticed that normies hate autistic people in general, and in my backwards country which has the lowest IQ out of all European countries, people will openly tell you that they hate you because you're autistic. What is the nature of your chronic pain. Mine is bad joints, i have joints of a 70 year old man even though im 38.

 

[Owlers]

What happened with your boyfriend, if you don't mind me asking? Could you tell me about him and what happened?

 

[BlueButterfly111]

For the longest time, I thought that I was alone in this too. I've noticed that normies hate autistic people in general, and in my backwards country which has the lowest IQ out of all European countries, people will openly tell you that they hate you because you're autistic. What is the nature of your chronic pain. Mine is bad joints, i have joints of a 70 year old man even though im 38.

Oh yeah for sure plenty of them hate autistic people, they would probably still call us r slurs more publicly if they thought they could get away with it, that sucks. I also have joint pain, but the main problem is a chronic migraine on the right side of my head and face. I was trying to work towards getting a cat scan for it but that's a little difficult with my insurance situation, I'm still trying to figure it out but I don't know if it's even worth it and I'm scared about it.

I had a situation at a job one time where I was helping this lady and I bent down to get something and it started becoming painful to get up so I slowly got up. And she started laughing and said, "your young that shouldn't be painful to you." So I can relate to you with that cus I'm 23 but my body feels like that. Also I have this weird discomfort in both of my shoulder joints where I have to pop my shoulders a lot.

I heard a lot of autistic adults end up having health problems and stuff like this because we don't know how to advocate for ourselves and people don't take us seriously and we don't get the proper help we need. I don't know how true that is but I definitely wouldn't be surprised.

What happened with your boyfriend, if you don't mind me asking? Could you tell me about him and what happened?

He was shot by police while he was having a mental breakdown (manic episode.)