Venting i don't have a title

[icantandiwont]

Hi. I'm fairly new here. I don't know how exactly i came across this site but I'm glad I did.

I've been suicidal since i was ten/eleven. I don't have any memories of myself growing up. I feel like a zombie 90% of the time. I hate existing. I hate acknowledging the fact that I exist. I don't enjoy doing anything anymore. I recently lost someone who understood me better than anybody else. All I ever think about is death and dying. I can't cry. I can't feel anything anymore. Everything just sucks.

I miss the days when i used to believe in love. At least then I had something to hold onto. I don't want to be alive anymore and I'm okay with that. And I'm also okay with the possibility that everything might turn out alright one day.

I'm honestly tired of trying. Trying to stay alive, positive and happy. I want to go home. And by home I don't mean the brick building I live in. I mean the home that comes before this one. Before I was born.

I have a plan and I'm almost ready to execute it.

Knowing that I have a way out makes me feel at peace.

 

[jodes2]

Welcome to SS sorry you're here sorry you want to CTB, I wish I could say something to change your mind but I know what it's like to suffer for a long time so I understand have you tried getting help?

 

[theboy]

hello
hope you feel better soon
life is very unfair

 

[icantandiwont]

Welcome to SS sorry you're here sorry you want to CTB, I wish I could say something to change your mind but I know what it's like to suffer for a long time so I understand have you tried getting help?

yes and no. it's a bit complicated

 

[jodes2]

yes and no. it's a bit complicated

Well done for having got this far

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so relieved at having a way out from this life, knowing that you aren't trapped in a situation of endless suffering. I do get that it can be so awful and tiring having to continue to endure a life that you hate. I have also always wished for death, to me there is nothing more comforting than the thought of permanently ceasing to exist. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[makethepainstop]

I can't say I'm too happy seeing your here, because we both are sure that your hurting. Before you decide to go into the unknown, could you share a little time here? I found that being able to speak with others has done a world of good for me. I wish you'd hang out a bit and talk with some of us. Sometimes a pain shared, is a pain halved. Much love to you.