Venting I don't have a peaceful method.

[throwaway123]

I looked into most methods. The only one I have and that is relatively peaceful is jumping off a bridge. It's still horrifying. I wish I had N or a gun. SN would also do. But no I have to die in this miserable way. I just can't imagine myself jumping down there. It's ridiculous.It sounds so easy but it's so hard. My life is hell. I hate that I'm so picky with the methods. Other people chose what they got and just get over it but I am just a pussy and I hate myself for it. Every day I'm suffering. I am humiliated but I am still here. Stuck in this neverending nightmare. My next opportunity to acquire a peaceful method would be at best next year, but more like 2020. I can't even bear the thought of living another day. What did I do to deserve this?

Please if anyone has any tips on how to overcome this stupid survival instinct,please let me know.

Btw, for those of you that are about to leave soon, what was your last straw?

 

[ReleaseMe]

It is possible to order SN in Germany. Not from amazon though. Just google ebay sodium nitrite. There are vendors from Poland and UK shipping to Germany.

 

[TAW122]

For the survival instinct, I have lots of suicide fuel (basically reasons and steps taken to build the courage and conviction needed to go through). It is not easy and it is different for everyone, but this is just a brief list of what I used to help me. If you are jumping from a bridge, make sure that you will land on your head and that the bridge is of sufficient height (over 150 feet but more if there is water).