I don't get it

[Diminished]

Since I got my SN last year I've been too scared to Ctb, but at the same time I want to die really badly. I'm really afraid of what's going to happen when I die. Will there be an afterlife. if so, will I receive karmic debt for ending my previous life. The idea of nothing after death is also scary to me as well, even though it doesn't make sense as a suicidal person. Also survival instinct is a pain in the ass. FFS!

 

[FuneralCry]

The survival instinct can be very frustrating and of course ctb can be very difficult. I know that it is such a dreadful feeling not wanting to be here, yet feeling like you are unable to leave. I don't believe that there is anything after death personally, there is no evidence of any afterlife and to me the thought of being dead is very comforting. The way that I see it nothingness is just like how before we were born, where time passed and yet we were not aware of anything. We will not even be aware that we are dead, as it is the end of us. Once we lose consciousness, that is it for us, we are gone.
I hope that you find relief from your suffering.