Venting I don't get it

[AcidicTearsOfDeath]

I know this might come off as weird but I've been suicidal for years, tried different methods over the years and they all seemed to fail or when I build up the courage to do something, the universe always has something stopping or preventing me. Gotten to be a bit annoying at this point.

I genuinely am tired I'm not even sure how to explain it. I've been saying to myself for awhile now that I want to go home despite being home. I've made peace with leaving. I'm not scared or filled with fear, I have this neutral feeling about it. It's time and I've just been procrastinating not sure why, I don't understand what's stopping me this time. I know I should, I've planned it and everything is set to a T, I don't understand this feeling. One thing I'm sure of is that I want to go home, I've experienced both good and bad that this life has to offer and I'm not certain about a lot of stuff but I do know I want to go home, like I'm ready to. Maybe I'm loosing my shit, idk. Someone explain what I'm feeling, or like some sort of clarity.

 

[woxihuanni]

I think the rule of thumb is to have your stuff and then hang around as much as you can. Personally I will hold on until a particular and highly probable event sets the literal deadline. Because why not? Like my morning coffee and fags, for one thing.

 

[Stan]

Like my morning coffee and fags, for one thing.

Just to point out for our American viewers, that particular word means cigarettes this side of the pond.