Venting I don’t feel guilt toward my family for ctb. anyone else?

[GoneSeptember2018]

I guess this isn't exactly "venting," but I think I'm in the minority of people here that don't feel very much guilt about hurting their parents via self-deliverance.

I don't have a good relationship with them and they have made it clear I am a burden through their actions, exasperated attitude, and general refusal to be helpful. I actually have come to accept that this would be better emotionally and financially for them in the long run. I'm not a NEET nor do I live at home, but it's a complicated situation I'd rather not get into.

To be clear, it's not for revenge or spite. I am just not able to sustain myself and I refuse to be more of a burden. I just feel that while it may hurt the first few years after I'm gone, they will learn to move on, as the natural grieving process allows. I also made it clear in my letters it's not their fault and that this was inevitable given the situation.

Anyone else get this? Or am I the only terrible person who thinks it's just better for everyone involved....?

Also, for clarification's sake, I feel zero guilt to friends. Found out the hard way they were only there for the good times and I know they will move on quickly. I still wish them well.

 

[RoloTomasi]

There is some guilt for me, but much less than living while being a burden and disappointment to my family, maybe some friends too.

 

[medusa]

I guess this isn't exactly "venting," but I think I'm in the minority of people here that don't feel very much guilt about hurting their parents via self-deliverance. Is that abnormal? Am I a horrible person for this?

I don't have a good relationship with them and they have made it clear I am a burden through their actions, exasperated attitude, and general refusal to be helpful. I actually have come to accept that this would be better emotionally and financially for them in the long run. I'm not a NEET nor do I live at home, but it's a complicated situation I'd rather not get into.

To be clear, it's not for revenge or spite. I just feel that while it may hurt the first few years after I'm gone, they will learn to move on, as the natural grieving process allows. I also made it clear in my letters it's not their fault and that this was inevitable given the situation.

Anyone else get this? Or am I the only terrible person who thinks it's just better for everyone involved....?

Also, for clarification's sake, I feel zero guilt to friends. Found out the hard way they were only there for the good times. I still wish them well.

I wish I were you-I feel a horrible burden on me because my family is so nice and I have a good relationship with them that I can't ctb, especially my mother.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

There is some guilt for me, but much less than living while being a burden and disappointment to my family, maybe some friends too.

Glad I'm not alone. I guess people have shown me what my worth actually is to them while I'm alive and it's not much. So if being alive creates an unwanted burden why stay? That's how I see it. Knowing this would have made me emotional 6 mo ago but looking at it now, I don't think it's such a terrible thing to learn.

 

[midastic]

Depends on the family members:
Sibling: Of course, he's done a lot.
Dad: Maybe, its somewhere in between, I can't really feel guilt but at the same time can't feel no guilt.
Mom: Yes and No. She has done a lot but at the same time, I will say there are somethings that have been done by her which have contributed to my depression. But I can't blame her especially when I did a ton of fucked of things.

 

[MistakesHappen]

You should not feel guilty. If for you living is suffering, who are the others to demand that you stay alive in this world. Don't worry, you are not a terrible person

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

You should not feel guilty. If for you living is suffering, who are the others to demand that you stay alive in this world. Don't worry, you are not a terrible person

Wow.... thank you...

And yes, I am suffering a lot. And in more ways than one.

 

[Ashpac]

Nah I dont feel guilty either. Youre not alone or a bad person. I think the people around you should not be selfish and expect us to live a life of suffering.

 

[Bringmepeace]

I completely agree, I have no guilt, but it does annoy me that the individuals that say they care and that they don't want me to go because of x,y and z. It's not about them it's about you at the end of the day. That's how I look at it

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Nah I dont feel guilty either. Youre not alone or a bad person. I think the people around you should not be selfish and expect us to live a life of suffering.

Thanks. I'm sure they prefer I not die. But maybe deep down inside, a parent really knows when their child is not fit to stay here. Once the grief settles down, maybe there will be a moment of clarity. That's what I hope for for them.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Because of the hopeless situation I'm in, I want to believe that I have a responsibility to ctb, that it is the right thing to do for everyone and myself. But maybe that's just what I tell myself to rationalize it, and that I am escaping the path of accepting things and living on somehow. I couldn't tell at times.

 

[MistakesHappen]

Wow.... thank you...

And yes, I am suffering a lot. And in more ways than one.

I'm sorry to hear this, hope it will get better

 

[Paulsmith]

I don't feel guilty

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Yeah, no guilt.
I'm miserable, I've always been - my mom knows it. I'm also a financial burden and a disappointment, totally incompatible with life.

This is the best solution for both of us. We've talked about this countless times, I think she understands altho she won't openly admit it.
And besides - she brought me into this world without my consent, I'm not gonna be like held hostage only so that she doesn't have to grieve my death.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Yeah, no guilt.
I'm miserable, I've always been - my mom knows it. I'm also a financial burden and a disappointment, totally incompatible with life.

This is the best solution for both of us. We've talked about this countless times, I think she understands altho she won't openly admit it.
And besides - she brought me into this world without my consent, I'm not gonna be like held hostage only so that she doesn't have to grieve my death.

Are you an antinatalist?

 

[Miss clefable]

Your not a terrible person your actually very nice to be honest they should feel guilty

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Your not a terrible person your actually very nice to be honest they should feel guilty

Nah I don't want anyone to feel guilt. I just want them to move on quickly if possible.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Are you an antinatalist?

Yeah.

 

[Tiburcio]

I feel 0 guilt. Nothing at all; intead of me, THEY are who must feel guilt.

Apart of the antunatalist philosophy ehich you can agree or disagree (I agree), they abused me and they became the persons I most deeply hate in the world. But for me, only giving me life like it is is reason enough for not feeling guilt.

Also, they gave you life: you can't life for them because they are retenting you and introducing your choices in their ass. If you want to do it, you are not wrong; if somebody feels bad and don't want you make YOUR choice, fuck him: that person is not worthy at all.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

My family act like I don't exist. Why would I feel guilty about hurting people who made me feel worthless my whole life? I hope they feel like crap, but I doubt it.