i dont exist, not sure if i care

[unabletocope]

haven't eaten for 2 days. not sure if i could take SN and meto in my current state. potentially a possibility. there's a feeling of non existence, i feel it generally but it just hit me that little bit more, it got through. i never existed, i was a nobody, a loser, a transient in life. i never mattered to anyone. other people developed into something, i developed into nothing. now I am deteriorating, running around and circling everything. what's the point if that's all you can be in life? i used to care about other people, not to the extent of myself but i cared, i wanted to be there for them, to develop with them. i realise now i was meaningless so it comes to this. i stand by the view that when the time is right, something clicks and you do what you need to do. it hasn't clicked for me yet but i know it will, i accepted in february i would kill myself, i still think i will be dead by august, i just can't see my way out yet. suicide is my call, i will take it into my own hands, when you know you are on your own and feel overwhelmed by your reality that's all you need, there's no perfect method. maybe i will reincarnate, probably not, who cares. my life was a waste, no one is coming through now.

 

[sugarh1gh]

Hey, not to sound anything like pro-life here, but your opinion and experience, thus you, matters to people in this forum. When you are nobody, you are not a coward either. I am sorry you have to go through a lot. I just wish you can reach the peace and freedom, and valuable self you seeked for.

 

[unabletocope]

Hey, not to sound anything like pro-life here, but your opinion and experience, thus you, matters to people in this forum. When you are nobody, you are not a coward either. I am sorry you have to go through a lot. I just wish you can reach the peace and freedom, and valuable self you seeked for.

thanks for the kind words. i don't mind if you are pro life, i'm not particularly tribal, overall pro death pro life pro choice debates don't really matter to me, i am getting too disconnected from anything to keep an opinion going, too exhausted, to die is my priority. i just need something to click and then i will finally be at peace, my issues are too much to be at peace with while i am still alive. i know i am ready to go. don't think about the afterlife much but the image of spirits moving from one place to another, i think people can be like that as well. thank you for reaching out, peace be with you also

 

[sugarh1gh]

Yeah, but anytime before you ctb, if you need someone to talk to, this forum is always open to you. Vent out as much as you would like to!

 

[unabletocope]

reflecting a bit more. it's easy to tell someone they have their whole life ahead, a future, all of that. what if you know you have no future, the future isn't really there and you have nothing to live for in the future? I see that for myself clearer now, i worked at it all day despite my state and i feel peace is coming through a little clearer now. awesome.

 

[Rockman]

Well the point isn't whether you meant anything. The point is whether you were happy doing what you did.

 

[unabletocope]

Well the point isn't whether you meant anything. The point is whether you were happy doing what you did.

no one cared about me which affected me doing what i wanted which affected how happy i was/am which means i end up using this site, its not personal of course but i had stronger aims in life than to end up wanting to die like this but there we are, if i've learned anything it's how fucking annoying uptight people are as well as how many of them there are, most of them vote for joe biden/keir starmer but that's an off topic shot, i hate politics