Venting Destined for Suicide

[Sk1rtd4b]

There's always been something wrong with me. Since the fifth-grade suicide has been an almost daily thought but I only started planning like 2 months ago. I know now that it is the only true escape to my pain. I'm stuck in a loop where all of me wants help from somebody only to realize I have nobody that cares for me. I don't hang out with anyone, I never get texted by anyone. I'm sure some people would care for me if they knew about what I'm going through but that means literally nothing to me if they couldn't give a fuck about me before. Even then, at this point it's too late for someone to ask me how I feel, my suicide is pretty much set in stone. It's bittersweet knowing that I will be able to put myself out of my own misery but also wanting a happy life even though I could never have it. I truly have never been able to see a future for myself. Even if I was to continue living, there is nothing of value in me so I would see everyone around me go on to enjoy their lives and do great things while I continue to suffer and be a lost cause. I've come to the conclusion that there is no escape to my suffering other than suicide and I am at peace with that. I know I will commit suicide in July and there is no part of me that is scared. I wouldn't say I'm excited because I never wanted it to end this way truly, but I will only cause myself more suffering and harm if I try to fight the inevitable. I just hope after everything is said and done that people will understand that the sooner I went, the less I suffered.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I hope you choose to stay a bit longer, just because you said you still wish someone would help you. I always take the longing for help as some kind of sign to take a gamble and wait a little longer to see if the tides change. I hope things get better, but if not, I hope you have a peaceful cbt.