Help I don't do anything anymore

[ChildrensITV]

Everything is pointless. I just sit and watch videos or sleep. Drink booze and eat. I can't be bothered to do anything. I find it hard to get showered to go to the gym. Even if I shower, I feel like just going back to sitting at my PC. I can barely be bothered to apply for jobs. I am too retarded and slow to do them anyway.

A phone-interview cancelled on me today. Not that I would have done well in it anyway.

I don't like going outside. I don't like talking to people. I don't like anything. It's not just that I need to die, but also, that I should have been dead a long time ago. I am FINISHED HERE. I look forward to each weekend so I can drink booze guiltfree, cuz that's when everyone else would be doing it anyway. Life has just come to a natural end for me. There is nothing left for me to see and do here. I tried. Everything failed.

I started writing this post 6 hours ago but couldn't be bothered to finish it. I posted elsewhere instead.

 

[Daxter_87]

I understand. The sheer pointlessness of it all. I'm in a somewhat similar situation - nothing engaging to do, no akin people to talk to, etc. I just lie on my bed, staring at the same old ceiling, doing nothing forever. It's been that way for a rather long time now.

Moreover, when I had friends, they used to criticise me for this reason, but honestly, what else am I supposed to do? Everything I try either gets old real quick, or it doesn't last long because I'm robbed of it. Life is just cruel and futile; fortunately, everything will come to an end some day.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can relate to this in some ways. Some things also seem to be pointless for me, they just make me "work" but in the end nothing would change, so it's better not to do it at all. I hope you find peace!

 

[mothercoin]

I definitely relate to this. It feels impossible to get out of this black hole. I know it is up to me and I have to choice and the power but I don't even know where to begin. I can get a job but I always end up giving up. I make friends and relationships but I always end up ruining them. I know suicide will just make things worse for my family but I just can't see a way out. Nothing is working or helping.

 

[prezmyl]

there is nothing left for me, i had my chances, tried hard, failed hard many times. My mind revesting those moments that it considers crucial like they might come back and I would chose otherwise this time. All becasue here and now there is no more motivation, energy or will to try it one more time, resources gone, had my fight, but I should not be here any more, I should have been gone long time ago. That triggered me the most from your post as it something that comes up a lot.

 

[FuneralCry]

My existence also feels very pointless as well, it's really understandable feeling so tired of it all and wishing to be free, I just see existing as waiting around to die, existing is just unnecessary suffering.

 

[unfortunatelyhere]

Fucking groundhog day.

 

[Xta4Love]

I could have witten this. I avoid people, I dont go outside, I drink too much and watch tv shows and videos
I just feel like shit all the time. I have mostly negative interactions with people which hurts me even more. People are not symphatic to drunks or people with psychiatric problems. Its just how it is.

 

[exiled]

It's okay. Really, it is. You do not have to be doing something right now. You do not need to go get a job or acquire a new skill or talent. You don't need to leave your house, you don't have to make friends. Remove any and all pressure. And for a moment, consider that despite it all, you are still worthy of existence. I don't say that to sound like a disgustingly pro-life moron. I say that because it seems like you are shaming yourself based on an expectation you have placed on your life. And an expectation that society has placed upon you. We are told we are useless if we are unable to be "on" all the time; what would it be like to let yourself just be? To not have this pressure to do more than you can do right now? Often times, when I let go of the expectations over myself, I find that my "rotting" becomes restful.

Perhaps if you spend more time giving yourself grace for doing nothing, you might find that your productivity will find you. You might find that the rest you are getting is actually giving you energy. But sitting with anxiety over not having made many moves recently is not actually good to ruminate on.

What is your favorite YouTube video, or who is your favorite content creator? What other forum did you post on? I find solace in these interactions with others, even if it is through a screen or video. Surely you find some, too? If it has kept you around this long?

I don't believe you should have been dead a long time ago. I believe you should have allowed yourself the rest you deserve a long time ago. Please, give yourself grace. Your body will tell you when you are ready for more when you actually let go of the guard.

If you do choose that you want it all to end, who could ever blame you? But imagine... what if it all leads to something bigger? It's hard right now, I know. And I don't want to totally discount the relief that CTB brings. I would just hate to see that be your next move when I so strongly feel that all you are lacking is some grace; some compassion.

 

[nothingnobody]

just do whatever you want because theres nothing else you could have done anyways.

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea know feel,injury damage do nothn no choic frc exst lose all, need escp life

 

[venting247]

I just sleep all day and don't leave my room. I mean nothing anymore and I no longer have hope or interest in anything. Life has changed from a bright colourful field to a dark dull forest with a deep river.

 

[prezmyl]

It's okay. Really, it is. You do not have to be doing something right now. You do not need to go get a job or acquire a new skill or talent. You don't need to leave your house, you don't have to make friends. Remove any and all pressure. And for a moment, consider that despite it all, you are still worthy of existence. I don't say that to sound like a disgustingly pro-life moron. I say that because it seems like you are shaming yourself based on an expectation you have placed on your life. And an expectation that society has placed upon you. We are told we are useless if we are unable to be "on" all the time; what would it be like to let yourself just be? To not have this pressure to do more than you can do right now? Often times, when I let go of the expectations over myself, I find that my "rotting" becomes restful.

Perhaps if you spend more time giving yourself grace for doing nothing, you might find that your productivity will find you. You might find that the rest you are getting is actually giving you energy. But sitting with anxiety over not having made many moves recently is not actually good to ruminate on.

What is your favorite YouTube video, or who is your favorite content creator? What other forum did you post on? I find solace in these interactions with others, even if it is through a screen or video. Surely you find some, too? If it has kept you around this long?

I don't believe you should have been dead a long time ago. I believe you should have allowed yourself the rest you deserve a long time ago. Please, give yourself grace. Your body will tell you when you are ready for more when you actually let go of the guard.

If you do choose that you want it all to end, who could ever blame you? But imagine... what if it all leads to something bigger? It's hard right now, I know. And I don't want to totally discount the relief that CTB brings. I would just hate to see that be your next move when I so strongly feel that all you are lacking is some grace; some compassion.

gently and sincerely it feels to be written, at least of that I am sure of and I respect that and there is some true in it for me, however the individual life circumstances might be more complex for most people, still appreciating you have decided to state that insight.

 

[nood11]

I feel that way too. Every day is the same. As long as we're alive life is very demanding on us. Just taking care of our bodies is a big chore. And it takes money to meet any and all of our needs. That usually means fitting into the job market system which I haven't been able to do in two years.