Venting I don't aspire to anything, literally nothing

[KillingPain267]

Getting a job? Pff! That's just more backpain or more social anxiety, and for what? I don't aspire to get a house, nor a boat, nor a motorcycle, nor a gamer PC nor even to travel and I especially don't want to marry again after being suddenly divorced. Having kids is an abomination to me now, putting more innocent lives in this hellhole, possibly inheriting my backpain and/social anxiety. I also don't have a savior complex, as in, I don't feel like I could contribute to some great purpose for humanity. All I can do every day is fight against my own negative thoughts and not lose my mind completely. Just... surviving. Just so my parents won't get traumatized by me suiciding.

I'm not at all anchored to anything in this life here anymore. I'm just waiting for it to expire. So what the fuck should I respond to people who expect me to become an average person with a house and white picket fence? Maybe I should adopt a prison life routine since I feel like I'm on death row anyway. What do death row inmates do all day?

 

[Rockman]

Maybe tell them you aspire to be homeless.

 

[KillingPain267]

Maybe tell them you aspire to be homeless.

I aspire to be lifeless

 

[mirage]

Maybe find a few things you enjoy doing?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I expect prisoners are forced to work for some of the day. I know what you mean though. The idea of a strict routine, not having to make decisions, not being expected to succeed in a way used to appeal to me too. I doubt that's the reality of it though. I suspect they do have a lot of expectations placed on them- to rehabilitate, to comply. Plus, they're likely constantly in fear of other prisoners.

I've lost a lot of my ambition in life also. I suppose I still don't want things to get worse though. Having to live with my parents again would be deeply unpleasant for both of us. So, working to try and sustain an independent life is preferable to me. It's all the lessor of the evils though. All varying degrees of shit!