the idea of death is also one of the things that life provides. so life has all of these experiences and death is one of them. it's like it wants you to experience everything and then eventually leave. but leaving before on your own will might just be a choice that you have rather than continuing to experience other worldly desires. you're not really quitting but making a choice. and this choice is actually with you, every second of your life so you may die whenever you want. why now ? why not after you satisfy a little more of your temptations ??
it's like i am trying to elaborate the quote of cioran here,
" the idea of suicide is the reason i am alive "
i don't experience the feeling of emptiness yet i want to die, and i want to die now but the thought of me having power over when i die stops me from doing it. i feel like leaving a legacy behind ? hy do i want to leave a legacy behind ?? why do i want eyes on me ?? i watch movies accidentally and i am so eager to be like the characters sometimes. i was recently watching BRATS, a documentary and the beauty in it somewhat tempted me again. my will to die is just getting really fucking weak.
is their a term for these conditions ? am i just simply desperate for shiny things i don't understand.
although i do want to die and my reasons are strong. now that i have skipped it for this long i think i should let it be on a hold for longer.
it's like i am trying to elaborate the quote of cioran here,
" the idea of suicide is the reason i am alive "
i don't experience the feeling of emptiness yet i want to die, and i want to die now but the thought of me having power over when i die stops me from doing it. i feel like leaving a legacy behind ? hy do i want to leave a legacy behind ?? why do i want eyes on me ?? i watch movies accidentally and i am so eager to be like the characters sometimes. i was recently watching BRATS, a documentary and the beauty in it somewhat tempted me again. my will to die is just getting really fucking weak.
is their a term for these conditions ? am i just simply desperate for shiny things i don't understand.
although i do want to die and my reasons are strong. now that i have skipped it for this long i think i should let it be on a hold for longer.
