I didn't want it to be like that, but I don't think it's any different from that...
I'm Brazilian, male, I'm 23 years old (diagnosis of bipolarity since I was 19, with symptoms since I was 15). The problem is that I've never been able to fool myself with a "life project"... And the worst thing is that I'm not stupid, I'm fickle... the closer I got to having a project was when I was studying theology (I became interested in law Canonical). Result that this is inaccessible to me. Okay, at this point you might think "how religiously engaged can anyone be like that"... and believe me, the idea of setting a "bad example" really tortures me. It's not because of the trial, but because I didn't want to leave a legacy for children and teenagers (it's not an easy conflict).
Turns out I crossed the line in 2021, with several losses of family and friends (but recently my ex-girlfriend - and friend), my mom survived in the ICU, but somehow that's going to sound like my selfishness...
People while we're here don't care... when we try to get help, we become a nuisance. Very rarely does anyone care.
To make things worse, people blame me for some deaths, like I was negligent or even a murderer...
People without any sensitivity to my recent grief continue to demand that I be active and that I get a job soon (even though the economic situation in Brazil is dire). It was never for money, if I really wanted money I would go to crime because I know I have enough intelligence to stand out even in this environment, but no. I would like to preserve my honor, I always promised myself that if one day I did harm it would be to hurt myself!!!
The most ironic thing is that when I suggested taking advantage (or they thought I was counting), for having honors and noble titles (in the African and Asian continents and nothing was bought, it was all about dedicating my skills to projects) they made a point of saying that everyone is the same (and that's okay, I corrected myself on that)... Now that my social security and financial situation are bad, people think they are better than me, so why the hell did they convince me that "everyone is equal "?
People (largely) treat me with contempt, I don't feel good anywhere now... Even though I believe I should have started my priestly training (yes amazing it seems I believe I would develop better there, but now the doors are already closed to me).
I was much more than I am today (even when I already had this disorder, but at least I managed to treat it)
I'm Brazilian, male, I'm 23 years old (diagnosis of bipolarity since I was 19, with symptoms since I was 15). The problem is that I've never been able to fool myself with a "life project"... And the worst thing is that I'm not stupid, I'm fickle... the closer I got to having a project was when I was studying theology (I became interested in law Canonical). Result that this is inaccessible to me. Okay, at this point you might think "how religiously engaged can anyone be like that"... and believe me, the idea of setting a "bad example" really tortures me. It's not because of the trial, but because I didn't want to leave a legacy for children and teenagers (it's not an easy conflict).
Turns out I crossed the line in 2021, with several losses of family and friends (but recently my ex-girlfriend - and friend), my mom survived in the ICU, but somehow that's going to sound like my selfishness...
People while we're here don't care... when we try to get help, we become a nuisance. Very rarely does anyone care.
To make things worse, people blame me for some deaths, like I was negligent or even a murderer...
People without any sensitivity to my recent grief continue to demand that I be active and that I get a job soon (even though the economic situation in Brazil is dire). It was never for money, if I really wanted money I would go to crime because I know I have enough intelligence to stand out even in this environment, but no. I would like to preserve my honor, I always promised myself that if one day I did harm it would be to hurt myself!!!
The most ironic thing is that when I suggested taking advantage (or they thought I was counting), for having honors and noble titles (in the African and Asian continents and nothing was bought, it was all about dedicating my skills to projects) they made a point of saying that everyone is the same (and that's okay, I corrected myself on that)... Now that my social security and financial situation are bad, people think they are better than me, so why the hell did they convince me that "everyone is equal "?
People (largely) treat me with contempt, I don't feel good anywhere now... Even though I believe I should have started my priestly training (yes amazing it seems I believe I would develop better there, but now the doors are already closed to me).
I was much more than I am today (even when I already had this disorder, but at least I managed to treat it)
