warning long post.
ive gotten to the point in my life where i just wanna be a fucking vegetable or someone that doesn't have to think anymore. i no longer seek out long term reading or other new forms of mental stimulation unless they're really familiar to me (games, music or books that ive already read a thousand times) i see life as a meaningless drive everyday, and no amount of trying would even fix me nothing feels me with a sense of enthusiasm more than just lying in bed all day and wasting away. porn especially, i find it angering and disgusting how man would create something that ultimately rots minds and changes how people view those in other genders, leading them to be in the same level as monsters like epstien or any online pedophile.
i find out im being driven more by my emotions rather than logical thought anymore, and almost every small inconvenience or side comment is enough to drive me into long winded spirals into depressive or negative thinking. i am not smart, or intelligent, in fact i am what someone would call "without common sense" i talk like im smart, but in all its flowery nonsense like chatgpt. the last nail in the coffin are following recent events such as the war in iran and subsequent inflation, the epstien files, china etc. it made me really lose the will to even take care of myself. i am disgusted, angry and frustrated with existing. i just want to find an "off" button to just not exist anymore.
tl;dr i no longer wish to think. i deliberately want to be a vegetable.
ive gotten to the point in my life where i just wanna be a fucking vegetable or someone that doesn't have to think anymore. i no longer seek out long term reading or other new forms of mental stimulation unless they're really familiar to me (games, music or books that ive already read a thousand times) i see life as a meaningless drive everyday, and no amount of trying would even fix me nothing feels me with a sense of enthusiasm more than just lying in bed all day and wasting away. porn especially, i find it angering and disgusting how man would create something that ultimately rots minds and changes how people view those in other genders, leading them to be in the same level as monsters like epstien or any online pedophile.
i find out im being driven more by my emotions rather than logical thought anymore, and almost every small inconvenience or side comment is enough to drive me into long winded spirals into depressive or negative thinking. i am not smart, or intelligent, in fact i am what someone would call "without common sense" i talk like im smart, but in all its flowery nonsense like chatgpt. the last nail in the coffin are following recent events such as the war in iran and subsequent inflation, the epstien files, china etc. it made me really lose the will to even take care of myself. i am disgusted, angry and frustrated with existing. i just want to find an "off" button to just not exist anymore.
tl;dr i no longer wish to think. i deliberately want to be a vegetable.
